Darkness that Cannot be Lit
by Girl in My Mirror Is Crying
Summary: The Hokage has been assassinated by an unknown force. Konoha has been thrown into chaos and public executions take place hourly unless it is all brought to an end. The only real hope they have is Haruno Sakura, who is gifted with an unparalleled ability that no one has ever imagined. A deadly encounter with a certain Uchiha leaves her head spinning. DARK. SasuSaku.
1. Chapter 1

It was another fine day in the small-ass town Konoha of about 15,752 people in the middle of the sexiest country in the whole fucking world, Japan. It was mid August and it was still about 105-108 F outside in the afternoon but that was excluding the sexy humidity. The current humidity level was about 37% and made it feel at about 127, and meteorologists were labeling as one of the worst heat waves to hit Japan due to something called global warming. Many of the Japanese scientists were trying to make a volcano in the middle of no where erupt so that the ash and other debris would cancel out the effects of the climate change.

The scene then changed to a bus stop outside of a pagoda house, where several figures were talking. One was a girl with pink hair and the other was a blonde girl who was eating a Fruity Pebbles granola bar. "I hope I do well on this test today," said the blonde girl to her pink haired friend. The blonde girl had a bit of a glazed look on her face, as if she were from St. Olaf. For some reason, Sakura started to think of Reginaldo Lillonepolsta, her boyfriend from a few months ago.

"Ino, I really don't want to burst your confidence, but you've failed about 57% of all your tests in the past, so odds are against you in scoring a good score," said the girl with the pink hair and jelly shoes.

"If you say so, but if you are my true friend you would help me study after Judo class," said Ino as she began to rub her wrist that started to itch from the mosquito that had just bit her. She began to sweat profusely do to the unbearable heat, and it was only 7:32 in the morning with a heat index of 109.

"You know, with this heat we're having, it's a surprise that we aren't getting the day off," Ino mentioned as she looked at her pink-haired friend.

"Hmm?" pink hair commented back. "Yeah, same here. The summers seem to get progressively worse as the years go by. We need to take action immediately! We need to hold a motherfucking bake sell so we can raise funds to figure out how to stop global warming!"

"I can make walnut cookies that Chouji would take home by forklifts if he had enough money," added Ino. "I mean, he can only afford one! His dad must work at Burger King or something."

"You know what I wish so badly, Ino? You know. So badly that I could kill a giraffe in Africa in order to obtain my fucking wish." asked pink hair as she let out a sexy yawn...How was it sexy, you may ask yourself? It was sexy because it looked like a butthole at that particular instance. A butthole that was very loose, but who gives a shit? Buttholes do, of course.

"What's that?" responded the blonde. "What the fuck could you wish for that you would want to kill a giraffe?"

"I wish I was at a resort in Hawaii and had a nice tall glass of beer to help me on a hot day like this." She closed her eyes and pictured that tall pilsner of beer next to her lounging chair and looked at all the beautiful people admire her nice body; except that there was one issue; Sakura had no tits whatsoever and it made her really sad. She sighed at this default. She tried her very best to get her titties to grow bigger, but it didn't work.

"You think of beer a lot," commented Ino. Ino did like alcohol on certain occasions, but when she did drink, she prefered weird beverages like Wheach and Pumpkin ale.

"Much like you think of porn too much," shot back Sakura which caused Ino to blush.

"Touche," replied Ino. It was true; 9 out of 10 times that Sakura went to her best gal pal's house, she heard the sound of moans as a guy was pounding the oblivion outta some sweet busty, adorable, sexy girl's vagina, and Sakura had heard Ino said she wished that was she in that flick.

The bus shortly arrived and they both got on and sat down together. They hated the bus ride so much since there was no air conditioning and they were not permitted to open the windows, and the bus rides are fairly long.

"Let's go over our fucking linear algebra," said Sakura as she took out her blue "Linear Algebra and Its Sexy Applications" textbook. "Okay, let's solve some systems of equations, like on page 32." She handed Ino a piece of paper and the two of them began writing down the steps to show what they had learned-at leas what Sakura learned since she did most of the work in their study sessions and Ino just sat there like a nipple on a titty.

"Let me see your work, Ino," said Sakura as she took Ino's piece of paper. "Hmm, you did all the steps right except the last five," replied the pink-haired girl as she handed it back. Sakura was known for being a real jerk when it came to math work. It's just how the ho was.

"But there are only six steps," replied Ino with a confused look. "Are you trying to make me sound like a dumbass?"

"I know there are six steps, and no, I didn't want you to feel bad," replied Sakura.

"Too bad, bitch, I feel like shit," said Ino as she took out her iPhone and took a selfie of herself next to the window. She uploaded it to Twitter and said, "These fools need to wash the damn windows."

"Whatever," said Sakura. The two of them continued studying for the remainder of their ride. Just kidding. The girls closed their books and Ino looked out the window.

"What do you see out the dirty window, Ino?" asked Sakura as she turned towards the other direction and took a sip of a tiny bottle in her backpack that contained beer. She belched really loudly then turned her head so fast that her pink locks hit Ino across the face.

"Oww! What the hell?!" exclaimed Ino as she punched Sakura straight in the face. Sakura giggled at this and then she stood up and kicked Ino in the gut. The dumb girls soon started sissy fighting with one another until the busdriver spoke.

"Hey! Sit down! I can't concentrate with your loud-ass giggles, you stupid hoes!" He farted really loudly after getting these words out of his nasty mouth. In fact, he farted so hard that he lost control of the wheel for three seconds and hit a blue Toyota Corolla whose airbags went off with a gargantuam fart sound. Sakura and Ino took delight in this and gave the driver of the Toyota, who was now standing outside of his vehicle, the middle finger. Ino lifted her shirt up and flashed the man, but the man pulled out a machine gun and started firing at the bus.

"OH SHIT! THAT NIGGA TROY GOT A GUN!" screamed the busdriver. "KEEP YOUR FUCKING HEADS DOWN, ASSHOLES!"

Ino and Sakura got on their knees and started to pray in Norwegian as the busdriver started going at 108 km/h. Some random girl next to them started crying.

"I don't wanna die before lunch time! They're serving good food today!" she screamed for her asshole as the bus swerved heavily and caused the back emergency door to open. The girl screamed as loud as she could and farted as she fell out the back door and fell into the nearby pond. She survived, thankfully, and began to walk to school with drenched clothes.

"Who was that girl?" asked Ino as she turned to Sakura.

"I think her name is Shannon," answered Sakura. "I think she transferred her from a school in Providence, Rhode Island. The only thing I liked about her was her hairstyle. I'm so jealous that she has such wonderful natural bangs!"

"Sakura. Be cool. We are gonna survive, much like Shannon did. We will live another hour, at least, assuming that Chouji doesn't try to sit on us."

"Okay. I'll try to be cool," said Sakura as she strained really, really hard and let out the world's quietest fart. In fact, it was so quiet that it made a mouse fart sound in comparison like a jet engine 2 inches away from your ear. She sighed in relief of her accomplishment and then put on some eyeshadow to mask the tears she cried when that guy was shooting at them.

The bus took about twenty-seven minutes and they soon reached their destination of Konoha High School, a seven story building that looked similar to the Himeji Castle. The high school looked really nice from the outside, but it was relatively mediocre on the inside.

The two girls made their separate ways and went to their first class. The blonde hair girl had English 9, freshman level and Sakura went to computer literacy. Sakura was sitting next to the computer and was trying her best to bypass the school system to look up porn. She knew that they would be having a monitor or something that would tell them what she was looking up, but she was so desperate to look up pictures of beer bottles.

The teacher came by and Sakura said,

"Will you show us how to use the UNIX system like they did in Jurassic Park? I remember watching that scene where Lex is on the computer back in 1997. I've seen that one particular scene about fifteen times."

"You didn't say the magic word!" said the teacher who wrote the same idea in Kanji on the blackboard. "Everyone, please tell Haruno Sakura that she didn't say the magic fucking word."

"How the fuck was I supposed to know what the magic word is?" asked Sakura as she started to get very impatient with everyone. "And how the fuck was I even supposed to **_know_** there was a magic word? This is bullshit! This is shit that happens in communist countries!"

The class began to waggle their fingers and said, "Uh, uh, uh! You didn't say the magic word! Uh, uh, uh! You didn't say the magic word!"

"Shut UP!" screamed Sakura as she did a silencing Jutsu. Everyone finally shut up.

Their next classes consisted of world geography that they shared, then Ino had biology and Sakura had art class. Sakura started painting a landscape of pumpkins in a field outside of Minneapolis and she got a glance of the person sitting next to her. She noticed it was Sai, painting a bowl of turds they were ultra greasy and kinda sexy in a weird way...The turds were oblong and were in a lovely Chinese jade bowl that had dragons breathing fire in opposite directions. It was honestly kinda funny, so Sakura took out her cell phone and took a picture of it for future purposes she was not sure of. She put her phone away and drew a smiley face on the pumpkin as it was looking towards the Skyline of Minneapolis.

"Um, why are you painting shit, Oyamada Sai?" asked Haruno Sakura. "Not that I'm surprised or anything, since the entire school knows you are one big weirdo with that fruity shirt that doesn't even cover your bellybutton! Plus, I like the pink stud ring that you put in it!"

"Aww, thank you, Haruno Sakura," said Oyamada Sai as he put down his paint brush. "I resent that remark you said about my shirt. I wear it because it helps me get a better tan. These turds belong to my new boyfriend Ryan Snipes. Here's a picture of him." he got out his Samsung Galaxy and showed her a man with a greasy mullet and Sai with a huge smile on his face. Ryan had his hand on Sai's stomach and Ryan had the cheesiest smile on his face like Will Smith on that album with the cheesy blue tuxedo. "Plus, these turds are his!"

"You already said those turds are his, and eww, you're a sicko," she said. "Plus, how did you even get that bowl of shit into the building?"

"Hey, Sakura, do you want to study for the molecular biology test we have tomorrow?" asked Sai. "And for your question, I asked and they said yes."

"Yeah, I guess so," said Sakura. "It's only over the first section."

"But the section has 43 pages of content," replied Sai. "There will be a ton of content that we went over today that will be on it. I'm not entirely sure I can handle it all."

"Yeah, I know. I have pretty much memorized everything about protein structures and how they regulate gene control and whatnot," added Sakura as she showed the painting to Sai. "Look at these gorgeous as hell pumpkins, Sai. Don't they look amazing against the skyline of Minneapolis? I love the IDS Center and the Capella Tower. They just make the city look so unique in a certain way."

"Yeah, those pumpkins look good for someone of your skill, but why Minneapolis?" asked Sai as he continued to paint the shit in the bowl that was now attracting a lot of flies. "You could've chosen a better place like Chicago, or Toronto, or even Stockholm."

"It's my destiny to go to Minnesota..." confessed Sakura. "I went to a psychic on the sketchy side of Konoha and she told I would never be at peace unless I went to Minneapolis. Plus, I've always wanted to go to the Mall of America and look at the skyscrapers and even go inside a random Wal-Mart. I have to."

"You need a better lifetime goal," said Sai. "Mine is to have sex with someone from Sweden inside a public restroom in a fancy restaurant in Luleå."

"That sounds so kinky, I think I need to fart," mentioned Sakura as she strained really hard but belched instead. She giggled at what she did and inhaled the smell of shit. It was so fucking awful that she wanted to laugh.

"Beautiful," said Sai as he mixed black and grey paint to paint the shit in the bowl.

"Sai, have you ever had se-" she started, but then the school's sexy gong-styled lunch bell rang at 11:00 am. Sakura loved the way that fucking bell sounded like. It was so damn kinky and she knew she would get it as her phone's ring tone if she could find the person responsible for creating that bell.

The well-known pink-haired girl of the name Haruno Michelle Sakura was getting hungry, as noted by the loud growl of her stomach. She wasn't really interested in the food the school offered; it was the typical Japanese cuisine that had been served since the school opening.

The trays of food consisted of hibachi jellyfish, tempura, teriyaki, octopus sashimi and sushi, pickled plumbs and ramen, miso soup, etc. Sakura's lips were begging for something else to ingest, and the food in the cafeteria wasn't suiting her anymore. She was also tired of the fact that she kept having to use those stupid wooden chopsticks for each meal.

Sakura went into the cafeteria with the pink walls and went past the multiple tables that were covered with frilly table cloths. She saw a few sights that were a bit unpleasing to her; for example, Suigetsu was practically sucking the face off of Hinata and Shino was squeezing Karin's ass as she tickled his nipples with some chopsticks and begged him to take off his sunglasses and put down that awful collar. Kankuro was playing footsy with his thong sandals with Deidara's Dulce and Gabbana high heels while he was combing her fake blonde hair. (A.N., when I first saw this character, i thought it was a female. No lie. The her makes it funnier, imho since there are images of Deidara as a female). Shikamaru was nibbling Temari's ear and whispered sweet nothings about all the things he could do to her when he got home like taking her asshole cherry while Nsync was playing. Kagome was playing with Inuyasha's ultra-soft pillowy ears and lifted up her skirt to reveal her green thong, causing him to get a boner. Wait, what the hell was she doing there in the first place? It didn't matter thought, because those two were so goochie koochie in a g-string :D It was amazing that Sakura didn't lose her appetite right there.

She went to the line and Akimichi Choji's 320lb fatass was standing in front of her. He let out a huge fart and said, "Good golly, Miss Molly! That burrito hit the spot!" Haruno Sakura tilted her head and said, "Where did yo fatass get a burrito? This school serves only Japanese food, you fat dush! I guess all the fat that was in your brain went to your ass, you fatass!"

"Bitch, calm yo ass down!" screeched Chouji as he picked up seven bottles of one litre Ramune and some mochi cakes. As he grabbed the items, the seven golden bracelets on his arms started jingling loudly. Chouji once had fabricated this story explaining the origin of his bracelets. Sakura was pretty sure that he was lying his ass off when he told them this, but it was an interesting story, regardless if it had any truth to it. He explained that the bracelets enhanced his Chakra, but that was probably a lie. He probably wore them so that he would have something to jingle and annoy the heck outta people. He stuffed one cake into his mouth and the cook said, "Fatty, yo ass gotta pay! There is no such thing as a free lunch!" The cook slapped Chouji's hand with the handle of a metal ladle and the fat shinobi gasped in pain.

"Chouji, about the fucking burrito," said Sakura coaxingly since she wanted to venture something new into her mouth that gave her taste buds a thrill. OF course, she had seen burritos on the internet and saw all the meat, peppers, onions, and other ingredients, but never had the opportunity to eat one. "Where the fuck did you get it? I mean, I think I heard of them opening a Taco Bell in Konoha in 2028, so you had to have gotten it somewhere else. Please tell me, I'm begging you! Take this Japanese shitty food away from me!"

"Sakura, chill the fuck out about the Japanese food," said Ino. "I mean, you are acting a bit hypocritical in a sense."

"How the fuck am I being hypocritical?!" shouted Sakura as she punched Shino, who was coming to get some Ramune, in the face. It broke his sunglasses and he fell to the ground, farting as he did so and started crying as he went back to the table with Karin.

"Some Mexican left Ethiopia and decided to make a burrito stand in a food truck across the street from the ramen shop," explained Akimichi Choji. "The burritos are kick-ass, and I strongly suggest you go order one before he leaves for some other country, more than likely for entering the country as an illegal alien."

"Sweet, thanks a bunch, Akimichi Twinkletit Chouji the fatass!" she said. Chouji held out his arms since he always wanted to hug her but she pushed his fattiness over and he lost his balance on his 5inch high heels and knocked over the entire line of people like bowling pins. As he did this, everyone started to groan and threw curse words at the obese ninja. He couldnt help but fart really loudly which caused everyone to scream and run away from the awful stench that filled the room. "Like I'd ever hug your fatass, with your dried pinecone needle hair!" That offended Chouji badly and started to bawl on the gross floor. It was pretty gross considering the fact that the janitor, who is Shikamaru's uncle, takes about a twice a week shift and didnt to clean all the rooms.

Sakura got out her iPhone and began to listen to some music. She decided to listen to the original Pokemon theme song as she ran as fast as she could in her light pink 7 inch bunny slipper high heels to Ramen Ichiraku where she saw the small food truck stand and the Mexican man behind it. His stand had a cheap sign above it that said "Pablo's Burritos". She peered inside and saw that there were several black stoves and a sink and tons of ingredients such as peppers, onions, tomatoes, meat, tortillas, etc.

The man gave her a warm smile and said, "Hola, chica, what do you want to eat?" She looked at the menu and saw that there were at least seven different kinds. Some of the ones she saw were too plain such as beef, cheese, onion, rice, and sour cream; others had stuff she wasn't too familiar with like pineapples and molé sauce. She saw one that suited her called a spicy fajita bean burrito. It cost ¥ 520 and it sounded delicious. Sakura could feel her mouth watering and told him that that burrito was what she wanted. She handed him the cash out of her hello kitty wallet that meowed when open and Pablo told her to wait while he prepared it. The pink-haired girl waited and waited and swore that an eternity had gone by.

Sakura looked down at her watch and noticed that about eight minutes had passed; the students had a thirty minute lunch break and she had about eleven minutes left. If the students didn't return to their assigned classrooms, they would have to be paddled by Jiraiya in front of the entire school in an assembly. Finally, Pablo handed her the burrito in the bag and she darted off back to school as fast as she could. She checked her watch and noticed she still had a little over eight minutes left as she sat down next to her best friend Yamanaka Ino, whom she last saw at the bus stop earlier that morning. "Good, I still have plenty of time to eat," Sakura whispered to herself as she applied some lipstick.

"Sakura, what the hell is in the bag!" screamed Ino as she looked at the huge bag that had a few translucent spots, obviously from the grease. Nothing says good eats than something full of trans and saturated fats! Ino was being a health freak; she had a floral-patterned bento box that was filled with some cod liver shakes with zucchini stars and carrots and she was drinking vitamin water. She even made pizzas with yam crusts and organic tomato sauce and pepperoni since she is such a goody two-shoes who probably wears granny panties with lace hearts and polka-dots.

"It's a spicy fajita bean burrito, my main ho," replied Sakura as she pulled it outta the bag and eyeballed it with lustfully hungry eyes. Calling Ino a ho is a huge understatement; the fact that she dyes her hair that fake shade of blonde and the overabundance of makeup on her face was a huge hint of her slutiness. Sakura opened her mouth and directed the burrito towards her face hole and took a huge bite. "Oh my goodness gracious, this shit is da bomb!" screamed Sakura with delight as she got a mouthful of all the contents. Her mouth kept drooling and she took a sip of her strawberry Ramune. She also managed to snag a sesame seed mochi cake which she began to chew on to get the saltiness out of her mouth. Granted that Sakura was pretty tired of Japanese food, there were a few things that she could never get tired of: mochi cakes and Ramune.

Although technically, Sakura prefers to drink Seagram's escapes, she wasn't allowed to bring alcohol on campus; strictly, she was not allowed to bring alcohol to school because of her arguments she formed over the weeks. But nonetheless, on a different score, her favorite flavors of Ramune are Strawberry, Root Beer, Orange, and Cotton Candy and she enjoys red bean mochi cakes that have been sugared up since they are naturally relatively bland, but that doesn't seem to bother the pink-haired ninja that much. Sakura emptied her mouth and gazed at Ino who was still eating her healthy lunch, but it was plain as day that she really wanted some of the burrito, but of course, being a Yamanaka, that would mean denying it.

"I love this friggin' burrito!" screamed Sakura out loud as food starting flying out her mouth and landed on Kankoro's head! Ino looked at her with a jealous look and sighed. She really wanted that damn burrito.

"What's inside it?!" screeched Ino in her high pitch voice looking at the burrito with bulging eyes. "I sure wish I could have something unhealthy like that, but I gotta stay fit for the track team. They watch you like a hawk when it comes to physical fitness, so that's why I'm stuck eating this healthy shit!"

"Peppers, onions, some well-seasoned chicken, I think avocado and tomatoes!" smiled Sakura as she took another bite. "And of course, pinto beans! You want a bite, pimp?" "Sure thing, nigga!" shouted Ino as she took a small portion of the burrito that Sakura cut with some chopsticks. Ino popped it into her mouth and started chewing around and around and said,

"This shit is da bomb, boo!"

"I know, right?!" screamed Sakura with euphoria. The girls started laughing boisterously and caught the attention of most everyone in the cafeteria. Until Chouji walked up and broke the silence that had washed over the large room.

"I'd be careful if I were you with that bean burrito. I'm warning you now," advised Chouji. It was weird for him to give advice since he had a single-digit i.q., so about once every 4 weeks he said something smart.

"What the fun-dip are you talking about, fatty?" asked Sakura who was starting to lose her temper with him. She had an anger point symbol on her forehead. "Stop trying to go Willy Wonka and shit on us, telling us that we can't have to eat."

"Well, you should know that when I had that burrito I had some terrible—" started Chouji...

"Shut up, fatass!" screamed Ino and Sakura simultaneously as they both used their Jutsu and Chouji flew up in the sky farting really loudly and left a twinkle like a star like Team Rocket when they blasted off again.

"Damn, he's so annoying," said Ino as she shook her head. "Sakura, you need to finish because we have to go back to class and have a linear algebra test, which I totally didn't study for!"

"Sweet, I'm totally gonna ace this," said Sakura as she made a ^-^ face. "And I know you didn't study, slut. It's everybody for themselves."

She looked up into the hole in the ceiling that she made and noticed that the sky had turned black and a thunderclap shook the sky. Man, the weather sure was bipolar in Konoha (no offense to anyone who happens to have bipolar; just a way to describe over dramatic weather changes in short periods of time). Soon, the temperature dropped to about 77 F and large droplets of rain began to fall through and various teachers used their Jutsus to block the hole in the roof with some bricks that randomly were lying in the cafeteria. Sakura finished the rest of the burrito and her Ramune and threw them in the trash can and recycling bin, respectfully, since she was such a good little environmentalist.

Sakura and Ino went back to Kakashi's classroom via skipping and chatted along the way about their love interests. Sakura said that she managed to get Sasuke to soften up and was thinking of taking a physical relationship with her, which she had wanted for a while. The two of them had been dating for about seven weeks and she loved every moment of it. She actually couldn't believe that after being so cold and heartless for years that he managed to open up with her. Ino confessed that she was extremely jealous of Shikamaru because he was seeing Temari, but she figured that she couldn't do much about it at this point since he was happy being with the girl with the fan she stole off of Panda Express's wall.

The two female shinobis entered Kakashi's classroom and sat next to each other as the grey-haired teacher passed out the tests that were printed on rainbow paper. Ino got the test and immediately sweat drops were visible off her greasy forehead, the beads of sweat dripping off her forehead, an evident sign that she once again had failed to study. Meanwhile, Sakura hastily wrote down her name and started tackling her first problem that regarding systems of fucking linear equations, when all of the sudden, she felt something very unusual in her stomach.

'Ooh, what is this unusual feeling? It's something I've never really felt before,' Sakura thought to herself as the feeling spread throughout her stomach. She didn't know if she had to throw up from eating so much or if it was just a minor stomach ache, but she knew that she had to finish this test. She let out a small moan in discomfort…

"What the hell?" said Kakashi as he put down his newest edition of Icha Icha Paradise. "Is someone jacking off back there?!"

"No, Kakashi-Sensei," spoke Sakura, gaining the attention of everyone. "It's just my stomach is hurting. I think i should leave now before-"

"No, no, now please keep quiet until you finish your test; you can go home when you finish, you know," he said somewhat apathetically as he picked up his novel continued to work on the linear algebra problems in front of her, most of the questions dealing with systems of linear equations and reduced echelon row, and determinants. To her disdain, someone had already finished the test before she, which was fairly unusual since normally she was the first to finish. She noticed it was Sasuke, who turned around to look at her and winked at her. He blew a kiss at her and spanked his ass for her to see. He then put a finger into his underwear and diddled his asshole right there in class! The other students saw this and giggled; Kakashi, on the other hand was not that pleased since there could be only one male in the room that attracted the attention of all the students, and that was Hatake Kakashi, a 27 year old grey-haired man who still hadn't lost his virginity, although many had suspicions that he and Anko had fooled around a lot.

"When you see me in my drop top Caddy, thow a peace sign and say 'Hey, pimp daddy!'" added the chicken ass haired emo as he winked at Sakura who returned the peace sign and giggled at her silly boyfriend.

"Get the fuck outta here, Sasuke!" said Kakashi with a raised voice as he tried to hit the chicken butt haired but he managed to get away. Sasuke left and closed the door behind. "And keep your mouth shut, Sakura! No one steals the spot light in the room but me, and that chicken-ass emo kid can't sing Too $hort for shit," Kakashi murmured as he resumed to read his porn. He could feel his one inch dick get a boner as he watched fantasized over naked women with buckets of KFC chicken and turkey pot pie. He was such a food slut, getting turned on whenever when had food nearby; not to say that he wasn't found of fat chicks, but any morsel of food would whet his appetite for lust.

Meanwhile, Sakura continued to work on her problems, but she couldn't endure the grumbling anymore and let out a loud moan when all of the sudden…  
PHHHHBBBBTTTTT!

Sakura let out a gigantic fart that made her buttcheeks shake! It practically shook the entire room. Her cheeks immediately turned red in embarrassment as the entire room turned their attention towards her.

"Ewwwwwwwwww!" shouted everyone as they held their nose as the smell was escaping her hot asscheeks.

" HAAAHAAA!" laughed Kiba loudly pointing an ugly finger at her. "Sakura just farted!" He started laughing so loudly that he fell out of his chair and onto the floor and started having a sexy seizure. People started laughing even harder, but the vast majority of it was directed towards Sakura's fart. She looked down at saw that she had finished only sixteen of the assigned twenty, so she figured she could score at most an 80%. Not that that one "low" grade would matter much since she knew that she was more than likely going to get an A in the class. Sakura's eyes moistened and she felt herself crying.

"Eww, you got a stanky booty!" said Shikamaru who started giggling like a little fruit cup. More like a Del Monte can of pineapples. Sakura thought his hair looked like a pineapple (so do I).

"I bet you gotta take a shit in your diaper!" shrieked Temari who started pounding her desk with laughter and started gagging on her gum. She started performing the self Heimlich maneuver and the yellow Juicy Fruit gum flew out of her mouth and landed in Tenten's hair.

"Bitch, you're gonna pay for that! You know how hard it is to do my hair, ho?!" shrieked Tenten.

"You do your own hair?" asked Temari. I thought you would get your ugly-ass boyfriend Neji to do it for you, you cheap trash ho!"

"You got a lot of nerve calling me trash, bitch!" answered KikuchiTenten and she and Nobunaga Temari both started landing punches on one another. Sakura couldn't take it anymore; she got up and went to the desk of her sensei, who was busting a gut with laughter. She dropped the test on the desk, but he kept on laughing. She clenched her fists and growled and slapped him across the face then left the room crying while letting out another fart. She stepped one foot out then turned her direction back to the room. She pulled down her pants and let out a huge fart towards Shikamaru, Temari, Kiba, and Tenten and four dingleberries escaped her asshole and hit them dead on in the forehead, knocking them all unconscious as their eyes turned into swirls.

"Bitch needs to practice some self control not just with her attitude, but with her bowel movements," commented Hatake Kakashi. "That's enough nappy time, kids! Get up and finish your work before i call in Iruka and he starts diddling some unsuspecting assholes!" As soon as those words left Hatake Kakashi's ashy lips, Nara Shikamaru, Temari, Kiba, and Tenten immediately got up and started working on their linear algebra test. "That's what I thought."

Proud of herself for finishing off those losers in her class, despite the fact that the all regained consciousness so quickly, Sakura finally went into the hallway and ran into Naruto, who caught a whiff of her fart. "Holy balls!" he exclaimed with wide eyes. "Did you just shit yourself!" Sakura grabbed Naruto by the spiked hair and slammed his face into his locker, knocking him unconscious. Before she left, she bent over Naruto's face and let out a fart so loudly that it caused his nose to cringe even while he was knocked out. She ran to the exit of the building and shoved the doors open and entered the pouring rain. She started sobbing and said to herself, "I guess that's what Chouji tried to warn me of…" She kept sobbing until she heard an oh-so familiar voice that she loved say, "Sakura-chan, what's wrong baby? Why are you crying? Did you get a bad grade on the test?" He attempted to add a little bit of humor to the situation, but it didn't seem to be helping at all. She felt the rain drop on her, drenching her beautiful pink hair and get her outfit all wet. She decided that it was pointless to stand in the rain and she went to stand next to her boyfriend underneath the rainbow colored awning.

"No, Sasuke-kun, it's nothing like that," she said as she tried to control her tears. "Did you hear a bunch of laughter a few minutes ago?"

"Yes, I did. Why?" He scratched his chin and farted too, staining his underwear while causing pink haired girl to blush slightly at the image of his asshole letting out a huge gush of air. She let out a few cute little poots from her ultra tight, watermelon-shaped ass.

"Well, I farted in class!" she said bluntly and looked down at her soaking shoes. She tried to tell him without making it sound overly awkward. She knew that her boyfriend was very supportive of her and loved her with all his heart, but he had to cheer her up.

"You farted? You're making it sound like a huge deal," he said almost wanting to laugh. "I mean, I've endured tons of bad farting spells. Give me the details. What happened?"

"Well, I'll keep it short and sweet," Haruno Sakura said. "I got tired of our school's food, and Chouji recommended this burrito stand near our ramen shop. I went there and got a spicy fajita bean burrito and when we were taking the test, my stomach starting gurgling which ultimately lead to my farting and being insulted by almost everyone!"

"Seriously, chill out about the farts; it happens to the best of us," assured Sasuke as he patted her shoulder.

"Yeah, but is it weird that when I tooted it smelled like straight up dookie?" asked Sakura as her lip was quivering and her eyes continued to let out some tears that stained her face. "I thought there was a turd in my butthole and when i farted, the air rubs against it?"

"Maybe you should go to the bathroom?" asked Uchiha Martin Sasuke with a shrug.

"I don't have to go!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. "I just have a case of bad farts! What should I do, nigga?"

"Hmm, I think I have an idea on how to cure your farts," said Sasuke. "Let's go to my house."

"What is going through your mind, Uchiha Sasuke?" asked Sakura as she looked at his chaffed ankles. "Are you going to give some Gas-x or something like Pepto Bismol?"

"Not exactly what I had in mine, but you can take some of those medicines, too, if you want," replied Sasuke as he covered his chicken-ass hair with his huge hands. All the sudden, the school bell rang and everyone was dismissed for the day. Kiba, Tenten, Temari, Neji, Hinata, Sasori, Shino, and Ton-ton (yeah, she goes to school there.) Sakura blushed at them all and farted in their direction and caused them to teleport to Augusta, Maine. "Those trainnies be posers, fool." said Sakura like a pimp as she walked off. "Let's go," said Sasuke.

The two of them raced to Sasuke's house. As Sakura ran, she couldn't help but let out a ton of farts; fortunately, the rain was pounding the ground so loudly that it was kinda hard to her them escape her asshole. When they got to Sasuke's house, he opened the door and let her go in first. Luckily, it was empty. Sasuke looked at his girlfriend's wet chest and felt the blood head southward. He blushed at her when she noticed it and she said to him, "Sasuke, I'm ready for us to head to the physical part of our relationship. "As am I," he responded with a queer giggle. He had been wanted to play with her butthole for at least 8 weeks, and now he would get the chance!

They were both eagerly about to go down the hallway where his room is until a voice broke the temporary silence. "Hold on, Sasuke-kun," said Sakura as she walked into the kitchen. She went over to Sasuke's fridge and opened it and looked at the contents. The Uchiha family had a really weird diet; there was spinach lasagna and old pizza in a zip-loc bag as well as moldy cheese in a box and some other cheap stuff. She even saw one of the cutest things ever: a taco Lunchable that said "Sasuke's Lunchable" on it. There were several bento boxes that had Itachi's name on it and she opened one to see it had rice, carrots, peas, shrimp, and egg.

She closed the lid and her eyes began to sparkle when she saw what exactly she wanted; a can of Sapporo beer. She popped open the top and began to guzzle the Japanese beer quickly as she was very thirsty. Normally, Sakura drinks Yuengling or Michelob Ultra, but she had to go for this particular Japanese one since that was the only one she liked they had among the other Japanese beers; there were a few Kirin, Asahi, and Suntory beers, but she was tired of Japanese beer, though ironically she would always keep a place for the beer with the same name as the largest city on Hokkaido. The 15 year old girl then let out a huge belch and patted her stomach as a result of the gastro-intestinal reaction. Sakura rammed the can against her head, causing it to crush and threw it over her shoulder into the garbage can like a badass. Sasuke lifted an eyebrow of amazement at what she had just down. Sakura went over to the counter and saw that there was a basket filled with snacks. She went and found one of her favorite snacks; pork rinds. The girl opened them and began to munch on them.

"Didn't you just have lunch, babe?" asked Sasuke as he began to fondle his balls in his hands as he watched the girl about to open a Capris Sun.

"Yeah, but I didn't have breakfast this morning," she added with a shrug as she drank the cherry-flavoured drink with the small yellow straw provided.

"Also, I wanna know since when did you drink beer?" asked Sasuke as he was puzzled why the young girl was consuming alcohol; not that he would argue with her since he'd be a hypocrite since he popped the top of a Asahi every now and then.

"Two years ago when you left to find your self after the grudge you formed with Itachi," replied Sakura. "You started the feud because Itachi burned your Pokemon cards. I usually drink on the weekends, but after what happened in math class today, I need a little pick-me-up to help me forget the emotional pain I went through after my buttcheeks tooted."

"I noticed your ass got bigger while your body retained the same size," commented Uchiha Sasuke.

"Uh, thanks?" replied Sakura with a blush as she laughed.

"Come on, come on, we're wasting precious time," Sasuke said impatiently as he tapped his blue shoe against the linoleum floor. "And I don't wanna talk about Itachi now."

"Ok, fine, whatever," said Sakura jokingly as she went to Sasuke and planted a kiss on his soft rosy pink lips that had on some of Maybelline coral colored lipstick from her earlier. She still had the bag of pork rinds in her hands; there were still about eight left. He wrapped his arms around her head and she did likewise as they both started making out and walking at the same time as they walked down the hallway.  
After finally reaching the end of the hallway after about 30 seconds of mad, passionate kissing, the two of them went into Sasuke's bedroom and he playfully tossed

Sakura onto the futon that was already made for sleeping. Sasuke had a room that looked nothing like what Sakura had imagined. The walls were covered with about 20 different Pokemon posters and there was a pink Hello Kitty clock on the wall. The floor was a navy blue shag style like from the 70s and looked ridiculously out of style with the contrasting desktop in the corner. He also had a 1977 Roland System 100 synthesizer that he occasionally played funky tunes on. Also next to it was a 1978 Roland Jupiter 4 that looked like it was new, but it was impossible due to the last production in almost 34 years.

The synthesizer also caught her attention because to the side of it were some music notes and lyrics as well as song titles. She picked them up and red some of the titles.

"Emo and Confused?" she flipped through it and read the following.

Many times before, I've asked Don't you want me baby, please  
Don't let the time pass you by cause each day I get older  
Walking around miserably, wondering where it all had gone wrong  
I'll keep searching for the answers, and looking for a hidden clue  
To get it all situated, to put my shit back on the destined course  
You could say that I'm emo and confused because I have been  
Thinking of you as my best friend, but you have lied, time after time  
How could you claim to be there for me, when we have grown so far apart?  
Don't you deny the love that we had, we can never get it back  
Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking of you...

...xxXXxxSasukexxXXxx

"That is so...moving," thought Sakura as she sit down on the bed still munching on her pork rinds.  
The bed had custom made Pokemon sheets of Squirtle humping a female Sandshrew's ultra scaly legs! Sakura placed the pork rinds on his nightstand as Sasuke took off his blue shirt then he stripped off her red top.

He seductively began to nibble on her bra-covered titties; she was wearing a frilly-laced red bra although it was completely unnecessary given the fact that she had some small titties. Sasuke didn't care about the fact that her titties looked like that of a prepubescent boy. He started cupping her non-existing titties with his masculine hands and rubbed the way down to her groin. Sakura rubbed his nipples and down to his treasure trail and started slapping his boner till he screamed in pain. Sasuke, with his painful boner, began to strip Sakura of her black shorts. He pulled them down to her ankles and got a good luck at her underwear, which consisted of a magenta polyester/spandex thong. Sakura lifted her foot up to his face and said "You can suck the big toe and play with the middle, and it's so simple unlike a riddle!"

He took her soft big toe in his mouth and swirled his tongue around it like a bigass lollipop as he began to gently tickle her middle toe. He pulled it real hard and caused the bone to crack, causing her to gasp in pleasure; it was a known fact that Haruno Sakura had a fetish for cracking metatarsals. Sasuke then flipped her over and placed a pillow underneath her head and looked at her thong and her creamy smooth bare ass was up in the air which then let out a small fart that was chopped in half by the string.

The cute little poot she let out made the boy smirk and the sight of that luscious ass made him lick his lips. Sasuke took off his white shorts and also slid down his blue bikini, a polyester/spandex pair of underwear that hugged the flesh stick that resided in his underwear. Pulling down his bikini made his currently flaccid 15-inch ding-a-ling bikini-snake spring up and slap his titty, then went down to almost his knees. It was a miracle that he was able to hide in all in his shorts without a huge bulge showing.

Sasuke also took off his shoes and socks then put his hands on her buttcheeks while the dental-floss string of the thong was still in her asshole. He positioned his penis to the string of her thong that was buried in her asshole and lifted it up, then moved it aside to get a better view of her anus. He spread her little warm buttcheeks and moved the string of the thong and watched her swirly butthole and was hypnotized inserted a toe into her butthole, stretching it out for the ultimate form of pleasure (at least to him, anyways). Sakura began to moan in a bit of pain and pleasure, but mostly the latter as her boyfriend began to stretch her tight pink pucker.  
Sasuke withdrew his toe from his girlfriend's anus and started slapping her buttcheeks repeatedly from to cheek to cheek and she began to scream slightly in pain but started to laugh as well. Sasuke put an index finger and a middle finger into her smelly asshole and began to stretch it out some more. He took out the fingers and sniffed them and showed them to Sakura who sniffed them too. They were gross and she shook her head in displeasure. Sasuke got the cup of water he kept on his night stand in case he got thirsty at night and poured the cool water into her butthole, acting as a lubricant.

"How old is that water?" asked Sakura since there was no telling how old the water was that flooded her asshole! "It may have parasites in it and-Oh shit, it's freezing cold!" she exclaimed as ice crystals started to form in that ultra tight hole but started to melt from the heat of her farts.

"I got it from last night," confirmed Sasuke. "You have nothing to worry about. Now, I'm gonna shove my dick up your asshole, are you prepared for this? I heard that it's supposed to hurt but gets better, babe. You know that I want to make this hurt as little as possible since you deserve the best."

"So you're gonna pop my anal cherry?" asked Sakura interested.

"Yeah, sure, your anal cherry, whatever you wanna call it," muttered Sasuke who was getting tired of the idle talk and was ready for action. "Now please stop talking about stupid stuff and answer me. Are you ready?"

"Yes, I'm pretty sure that I'm ready now. Now please hurry, you're getting me so wet," she said as she rubbed her member with a pork rind.

"Eat this," instructed Sakura as she handed him the pork rind. It was wet with some tutu juices and her tutu was covered with crumbs. He ate the pork rind and was surprised that the juices tasted like hash browns and fried rice.

"Damn, you taste good!" he commented as he licked his lips with delight, savouring everything she had to offer. He definitely had to eat her out later.

"I also have one question," began the pink-haired shinobi who was looking deep into his dookie-colored eyes.

"Ugh...what?" groaned Sasuke as he rolled his eyes impatiently.

"Do you have any diseases?"

"No. Is your stinky asshole free of STD's?"

"Yes, the only thing that it's full of is smelly shit! Ok, now please get going!" issued Sakura with an annoyed look on her face. He placed his dick with the lining of her buttcrack where it looked like a hot-dog. She could feel his humongous piece of meat on her buns and was getting really antsy at his lack of movement.

"No." replied Sasuke. "Not until I hear some begging from you. I need some true convincing before I destroy your anal cherry. You sound casual like a school girl and that isn't good enough."

"Are you freaking kidding me, nigga?!" shouted back Haruno Sakura angrily at her boyfriend after she let out a huge fart!. It was real obvious that he liked torturing her and enjoyed hearing her beg for some sweet asshole sex. She saw Sasuke remove his dick from her ass lining and start to tuck it back into his underwear! "No, wait!

Put it back!"

"Not until I hear you beg like a slut!" he said teasingly as he began to withdraw his huge cock.

"Take me! Come on, take me! Satisfy the desires of your slutty girl! I am your only girl you will ever need! Don't ever leave me! Forever need me this way! I'm so thankful to be ass smacked by you! Use me as you wish for I will be your genie who shall grant your carnal pleasures! Please pop my butthole cherry! Destroy my flower, do whatever you want, but hurry! Ever been a bitch in heat? It's uncomfortable as hell!"

"That's so much better; you know that's what I like to hear. Here we go!" screamed Sasuke with one of the biggest smiles that has ever appeared on his face. "Get ready for a legendary Uchiha-clan pounding! But first, I gotta do something you will like very much! First, close your eyes."

"Ugh, you make me wanna walk outta here and leave!" she shouted, but nonetheless, she closed her eyes and Sasuke took away his ding-a-ling bikini-snake and went to his nightstand drawer and got something out. He got his cat ears for when they had to fight Nekomata and put them over his gangsta hair style.

"By the time I'm done with you, you won't be able to walk outta here," giggled Sasuke. "Now open them eyes, hoe," he instructed and she opened her eyes, and gazed at his head.

"Oh, my gosh, you still have your cat ears!?" shouted Sakura who was madly in love with Sasuke Neko. She loved those cheap furry ears positioned on his cranium and smiled. "Come on, Sasuke Neko! Get to pounding!"

"Get ready for a legendary Uchiha pounding!" he shouted at the top of his lungs similar to the laughter after the linear algebra test.  
He plunged his 22-inch boner at about 54 miles per hour inside her extremely tight stinkhole after moving the string of her thong that still covered her hips. She shrieked with a lil pain, but mostly pleasure as he began stretching her poo poo hole. She started to fart on Sasuke's dick and he found it so kinky as the flatulence slapped her buttcheeks and ultimately slapped the head of his dick that was buried within the silky, hot walls of that little pink pucker!

"Take my butthole virginity and cherry, Sasuke Neko!" shouted Sakura as he thrust his length inside her tight asshole. Sasuke first went into the clenching hot walls somewhat slowly, and just as she thought he was done stuffing her, she realized that he was feeding more into her and her asshole was hungrily gobbling it up! It wasn't long until she could feel his stomach against her and the realization set in that he had jammed all 22 inches inside her asshole. She was amazed that her rectum was that large to harbor such a huge dick, but nonetheless she continually farted lovingly on his dick, but that made it a lot more pleasurable.

"Wow, your dick...wow..." said Haruno Sakura who was lost with words since she was a world of pleasure. The feeling that her ultra tight asshole had swallowed all his cock was astonishing and indescribable; if Yamanaka Carol Ino heard about this, she would be uber jealous! Even though it would be worth a lot of laughs because Uchiha Sasuke had on cat ears.

Sasuke kept pushing into the girl's butthole, causing a lot of pleasurable moans. By the time Sasuke finished pushing his dick into her asshole, there was a bulge present on Sakura's stomach. The head of Sasuke's dick was pressing at the insides of Sakura's insides! She tickled the head of her boyfriend's that was inside of her from the outside.

"Shit!" shouted Sakura. "Sasuke, your penis is so huge! I wanna spread my asscheeks on it, BITCH!"

"Heck yeah, ho!" he shouted in response. "I know you love it!"

"It feels like heaven when it brushes my ass walls!" she shouted in joy as she farted all over his dick; to him, it felt like his ding-a-ling bikini-snake was being handled with a vibrator.

"Thank you," chuckled Uchiha Sasuke as he smirked with pride as he traced the lining of her member with his finger in response to the compliment she just paid him. He also massaged her hips soothingly to reduce some of the pain and she moaned as he did so. "Your ass is ultra snug and squeezing the living daylights outta my cock! I love beating the shit outta your shithole!"

"How were you able to put in all 22 inches of that gigantic cock of yours in my asshole, Sasuke-kun?" asked Sakura who was mind-boggled from all the pounding of that beautiful piece of Asian sausage that was within her fart channel.

"I used a special Jutsu that allowed me to safely insert myself into your body without damaging your organs," began Sasuke. "So pretty much, all your insides feel like an asshole around my cock! But don't worry; the Jutsu will wear off when I am finished."  
Sakura couldn't help but let out a huge stream of farts, about four in succession, each of them lasting about two and a half seconds each.

"Oh, baby, Papa Sasuke loves it when you fart on my dick! I love that shit when your shit hole makes shit slam the brakes and lets one rip on my gigantic cock!" he groaned with a smirk on his face. "Just let them all out. Say my name, baby cakes, as your asshole lets out a huge FARTTTT!"

"Sasuke!" she yelled as she kept farting so loudly on his 22-inch member, causing it to feel a tingly sensation. Her poots kept surrounding his dick and he bellowed in pleasure like a brontosaurus.

"What do you think of Uchiha Sasuke's ding-a-ling of a cock up your ass?" Sasuke asked rather rhetorically since he pretty much knew how she would respond, but he always wanted to talk dirty to her and couldn't wait for her response. "You like it when your butthole is stretched out, I pull out, and slam back in at full force?"

"Ugh...It's so...long and...hard! It's gonna break me!" replied Sakura with a huge grin on her face as her ass began to swallow his dick from the head all the way to the base.

"Your asshole is squeezing the shit outta my dick that I think you may actually be enjoying it! You're so damn tight, ease up!" commanded Sasuke as he started to pull some of his length out of her ass. He then pulled all of it out and placed it to her face where he slapped her across the face with it. "Suck it a second." He pushed himself closer to her where his nutsack was blocking her asshole.

"Ok, pimp." She did but nearly gagged at the taste of her own ass. "Eww, that's so gross! I hate that flavor! Is THAT what my asshole tastes like?! Tastes seven times worse than that cheap Heineken beer I got in Osaka!"

"I'm not surprised you don't like the taste of my bikini-snake," said Sasuke with a small frown. "What you taste of the ding-a-ling is probably the flavors of all the farts you released on my dick," presumed Sasuke as she let a few huge farts slap his scrotum, causing a new sensation to enter his body!

"Holy shit, you just farted on my nutsack!" shouted Sasuke as she let a few more gigantic gushes of anal wind pound on his nutsack. Sasuke still had his dick outside of her asshole and she was very antsy and wanted him to continue pounding her fart box! "Do that again, baby! That was awesome! I loved the way you expelled air and it smashed against my nuts! You are an excellent asshole bitch!"

"Beg for it!" shouted Sakura as she held the reigns in the love making. She knew Sasuke wanted her to fart on his nutsack but she wanted to be a bit dominating and he be submissive.

"Say what?!" Shouted Sasuke as he removed his penis from her face and had it up in the air being cooled down by the ceiling fan.

"I've been the one pleasuring you with dirty words, and now it's your turn. Tell me why I should fart on that gigantic nutsack of yours!"

"Ohh, baby, please release your flatulence upon my testicles! you know how much pleasure it gives Uchiha Sasuke! I'll be your bitch, too and you can shove things up my ass and make me feel the pain! Please, release your muscles and let them all out without holding back! Please!"

"Please! Even that jumbo fatty Chouji begs better than you do!" grunted Sakura as she rolled her eyes. "But I'll give you points for trying. Here we go, nigga-pimp!"  
She let out about twenty seven more farts on his balls and he loved the way it felt when the air smacked against them and caused them to jiggle; Sakura, on the other hand, was not very pleased at the lack of pounding Sasuke was doing and she put on an angry face.

"Put it back in!" she requested with a shudder from the withdraw syndromes of not having her asshole filled with his gargantuan penis. He didn't hesitate to do so and inserted it back into her tight heat.

"I take it you like my dick?" he teased as he began to increase the rhythm of his thrusts. "You love the way my gigantic bikini-snake grinds your hot ass walls? Are you a slut in heat? Tell me what you want now!"

"Hell yeah!" she responded. She couldn't believe how much she liked being dominated. "I'm one big-ass slut who loves feeling dick in my booty. I wanna be your slut till the day Chouji becomes anorexic! I can't believe how much I love this shit! Please keep using that monster of a ding-a-ling bikini-snake of yours!"

"I'm so close!" shouted Sasuke as he gritted his teeth and felt the semen go near his urethra.

"Don't you dare pull out, Sasuke-kun!" she ordered with a mesmerizing glare. "Fill me up to the brim! Give this slut what she deserves! I can't take it much longer!"

"In that case, prepare for a load of hot release!" He couldn't contain it any more and felt the jizz escaping his cantaloupe sized nutsack. He came inside her asshole and covered the destroyed cherry and her farting ended right there as his hot seed sealed it temporarily shut.

"Oh my Shinto, your cum is so warm in my asshole..." moaned Sakura in ecstasy.

"Ahh, Sakura."

"Wait, Sasuke, you're still cumming!" she said as her words were true. His semen was still escaping his dickhole and painting the inside of her asshole white.

"Oh, am I? Shit," said Sasuke, but he didn't care about the situation since it was so pleasurable.

"Can my tummy take much more of this?" and as she said this, her belly started to expand.

"What the shit? Your belly is expanding!" shouted Sasuke as he watched her thong pop off from the weight she gained.

"It's okay, your semen is swimming in my asshole and making me feel better," said Sakura.

This carried on for about twenty-six more seconds and Sasuke announced "I finished jizzing."

Sakura lifted her heavier, though still small, ass off his penis. He pulled out and watched as her asshole retained a huge volume the cum to his surprise although quite a lot flowed out.

"Thank you, Sasuke-kun, I loved that so much, the way you destroyed my butthole cherry," she said as she brought her lips to his. He smiled and pulled out of her. "I love you too, baby, and it was my pleasure to do so," and he gave her a kiss. All of the sudden a small whoosh sound was heard; it wasn't a fart, it was a queef.

"I guess I'll have to use your burrito there too," said Sakura. She decided that from now on she would call Sasuke's gigantic penis a burrito and he would call her vagina a Dorito, the creamy cool ranch kind.

Uchiha Sasuke let out a small moan when he heard that request and he let out nother small fart from his buttcheeks. "After we rest a bit baby, that took energy outta me," said Sasuke. They watched some tv and about 20 minutes later, they entered another round of loving.

"Ughhhhhh, Sasuke! Me so horny! I need sex and beer to help me get through this farting ordeal!" screamed Sakura as she rubbed her nonexistent titties with her beautiful fingers that had tons of jewelry on them.

"Hang on, baby! Sasuke will make it all better!" he announced as he started to play with her womanhood and went to town with his lips on her tutu and thoroughly enjoyed the flavor of the juices it expelled. He inserted a finger inside and diddled her skittle while she kept playing with her titty.

"Come on, Sasuke, you can do it!" encouraged Sakura as she rubbed her bellybutton and smelled her fingers. She diddled her skittle while Sasuke was pulling down his pants.

"Get ready for natural sex!" shouted Sasuke as he he inserted his dick inside of her tight walls and broke the hymen on the first go. Oddly, Sasuke didn't even clean his dick after he asshole fucked Sakura, so he was pretty much transferring bacteria from her butt into her pussy. Sakura moaned in pain as she felt her tutu cherry explode inside her thighs, but it immediately turned into pleasure shortly after.

"Nghh, this is way better than asshole sex!" screeched Haruno Sakura as she she fingered her asshole each time Sasuke pulled in out.

"I don't know, your asshole is a lot tighter and hotter inside!" responded Sasuke as he rubbed one of his nipples while his other was on her ass. "But this shit feels good, too, in its own way!" Her womanhood's lips began to swallow his bikini-python each time he went in and out and it was oh-so kinky.  
Sakura ate a few more pork rinds and caused a lot of crumbs to get on her member.

"Holy crap, you're encrusting my dick with pork rind crumbs!" shouted Sasuke as he felt the crumbs all around his dick and it felt amazingly excellent. He brushed them off and watched them impact the bed.

It took about eleven minutes before one of them came; Sakura was first, and she let out a huge gush of juice on Sasuke's dick and then he came inside her, ending the nasty queefing. He tucked his monster penis back into his bikini and covered up Sakura with the Pokemon blanket as she stretched out all content. She laid her head on the pillow and drifted into space, thinking of the amazing time they just had.

"You know what's amazing?" asked Sakura as she laid on her back and gazed into the ceiling aimlessly.

"What's that, honey?" answered Sasuke as he pulled out a cigarette and started to smoke, coughing on the first few puffs.

"How you changed your attitude after being so cold-hearted over the grudge you had on Itachi," pink-haired girl answered. "Also the way you popped my anal cherry and didn't even bother to wash yo dick before bursting my pussy cherry. lol"

"Yeah, my apologies in advance if you catch something in the future. And anyways, about the grudge thing. Well, it's kinda hard to forgive your brother when he burns all your holographic legendary Pokemon cards and uses the master ball in Pokemon Yellow to catch a Caterpie!" retorted Sasuke with a "Hmmph!" as he thought back of all the bickering that he and Itachi had.

"I wouldn't know, since i'm a Digimon girl," said Haruno Sakura as she grabbed the bag of pork rinds and began to munch on them, leaving tons of crumbs everywhere.

"We gotta pick up this room so no one suspects," advised Uchiha Sasuke.

"Ok," she merely said.

After they finished cleaning the mess, they turned the TV onto The Young and the Restless and watched another catfight. All the sudden, another long-ass commercial was started and they both groaned in anger.

"Hey, I got an idea," suggested Sakura as she pressed the pause button on the DVR.

"What is your beautiful brain thinking of, Haruno Sakura?" asked Sasuke as he began to play with the pillow on his bed.

"Something called revenge, nigga." said Sasuke as she got off the bed and went into the kitchen with a limp from her soar asshole.

"Are you getting something to eat again?" hollered Sasuke so she could hear. He heard her shout back a no! as she came back to his room with a few objects. He noticed that she had a rolling pin, a broom, and a turnip.

"Um. Are you gonna make me eat some of your nasty cooking?!" screamed Sasuke in shock since he hates Sakura's cooking. Really, she is one of the worst cooks in Konoha; she once set the microwave on fire because she forgot to take off the aluminum foil off some left overs. Plus, she turned white rice black from burning it in the microwave.

"Shut the hell up, pimp!" shouted Haruno Sakura who was clearly offended at his words. "You're no Bobby Flay yourself, so you shouldn't criticize me! And no, I'm not gonna cook you anything. Go get one of your fruity Lunchables."

"I love them Lunchables, ho!" roared Sasuke in defense to her words.

"Lie down and roll onto your stomach; I got a surprise for you," commanded Sakura as she twirled a free finger to indicate him to get moving. He did as she told him and was on his stomach. She went over to him and pulled down his white shorts and his blue bikini and was flashed by his ultra pale ass. She licked her lips at the sight of it and placed a finger to the ring of anal muscles, earning a low-octave moan from his deep voice. She smirked and traced a finger around it and pushed it up his tailpipe. "I want to play with your buttcrack!"

"Oh my freaking goodness and all the stars above," said Sasuke in pleasure. He honestly couldn't believe that this was giving him a lot of pleasure. "Oh my freaking goodness and all the-Wait; what if someone found out the ruthless, cold, Uchiha Sasuke was getting his asshole massaged? I ain't gay!" he reinforced with a serious tone.

"Formerly ruthless and cold," corrected Sakura as she withdrew a finger from his farting box. "And who would find out about our intimate moments? I mean, who would tell? I sure won't say shit. No pun intended. So if I remain quiet, which I will, no one will find out about you being a submissive bitch!"

"Get to work on my ass, ho!" demanded Sasuke and she did not hesitate to fulfill his wish. She got some KY lube and rubbed the handle of the pin roller and positioned it to his dish hole and pushed it in till it rubbed his prostate!

"Holy crap! That feels amazing!" groaned Sasuke as she continued to rub his sweet spot with the kitchen accessory. She pulled it out and replaced it with the broom handle that had been lubed up. She shoved it back into his asshole and stretched his shit hole's walls in all directions. He began moaning really lowly as she gave him the proper attention this shinobi needed. He could not imagine ever that this treatment was so luxuriously pleasurable.

"Put something else instead of a wooden cylinder inside my ass!" shouted Sasuke. "Feels like I'm getting screwed by one of those tree things from Lord of the Rings!"

"Ok, how about this?!" cried out Sakura as she grabbed the turnip and grinded the pointy part deep inside his ultra tight and smelly man cave.

"What the fuck are you doing, Sakura!" bellowed Sasuke as he was being pushed into the bleak where the women walk in fear.

"Something that I've always wanted to do! Shove a turnip up your ass!" She did so and got it covered with asshole drippings. She shoved in the turnip as far as she could go, but she felt something pushing back on the turnip. "What the hell?" she said as she removed the turnip and saw that a turd flew up, causing him to fart and shoot a turd that hit the wall and exploded into a stain of an area of about 5 square feet. It made a huge splot! sound upon impact.

"Ewww, that was ultra nasty!" exclaimed Sakura as she got up and dropped the turnip in shock that was now covered with brown spots from the doodoo.

"Sorry, baby, but I guess that's how my butthole has an orgasm since you were banging my prostate like Naruto's dick in Sai's ass! I loved the way you massaged my sweet spot which is practically my anal cherry!" explained Sasuke as he began to blush sheepishly at his girlfriend.

"I'm far from gay, but surprisingly that turned me on a lot. You should do that a lot to me when we get together as your "revenge", I should say. I think my butthole likes it when its cherry is messed with." She returned his smile with a small smirk and shook her head with disappointment.  
Sakura decided to speak about something funny that she remembered. "Speaking of Sai, he has this boyfriend of his named Ryan Snipes; he has one of the ugliest mullet you have ever seen and has a lot of pimples. Plus, Sai was painting a bowl of Ryan's turds in art class! I mean, there were freaking flies buzzing around it and whatnot! I'm surprised the art teacher didn't kick him out!" Sasuke giggled queerly and then looked at the clock on the wall and noticed that it was 12:41 pm. "While it's still early, why don't we clean up this mess and ourselves? Itachi gets home at about 4:30 today cause he has a meeting with the Latin club at the local college, and mom and dad don't get home till after 6."

"Ok, sounds like a plan," said Sakura as they both got up to get to work.

"Ok, but let me do something first," said Uchiha Sasuke. Uchiha Sasuke went over to his Roland System 100 and adjusted the LFO to the sine wave and started playing some sexy music. He decided to fiddle with the knobs on the VCO such as the frequency and the pulse width. He decided to change the high-pass filter to a lower a value and started playing the Dignity of Labour, Part 4. He then began to sing a new song that Sakura didn't read from earlier.

"I'm a train, lost in a velvet channel of juices,and-"

"You're singing about my vagina, right?!" shouted Sakura.

"Hell yeah!" he shouted back at her with a cheesy smile.  
Sakura started dancing and did the shimmy in front of him and he got a boner.

"You can play your synthesizer very well," commented Sakura as she still did the shimmy, hoping she could feel some titties move, which she didn't. She sighed and saw something on the wall she did not notice earlier. It was a Miller Lite beer poster with a girl holding a mug of the caramel-colored beer with a huge smile. She blushed at the huge cleavage the woman in the poster had and it made her want some Yeungling.

Sasuke heard the words she said and smiled. "Thanks, I had to find this synthesizer on eBay for a ton of money. K, now time to get serious," said the chicken-haired emo. Sasuke went to the kitchen and got some paper towels that were on a holder that were to the left of the sink. He pulled off about five sheets from the roll and grabbed some Lysol spray. It was Lemon scented. He grabbed the turd off the wall and began to whip as much as possible and sprayed a bunch of Lysol on the area. He began to keep on cleaning up and decided that he had done a good enough job and flushed the paper towels down the toilet. He also wanted to make sure the stench was gone, so he smelled the area and decided that it wouldn't hurt to spray more. After all, no one else was expected to be home for at least three hours.  
Sakura began to straighten up some of the furniture that they had knocked over in their second round of loving. During the process of raw sex, she had flailed her legs wildly and knocked over Sasuke's night stand next to the window. She felt embarrassed, but he told her not to worry about it. She picked up the stuff that had fallen out and she saw something that looked like it was a diary. Carefully checking the area, she picked it up and hid underneath Sasuke's bed to read it. She used a flash light ap on her iPhone and opened the cover.

Noticed that there was a receipt in there from Barnes and Noble that signified that he had bought it yesterday. She shrugged off the notion and opened the leather-covered book.

Tuesday, August 20th, 2013.  
It is the second day of our third week at school. Today we have an Honors Linear Algebra I test. Now, keep in mind that this is the introduction at a higher rate than standard Linear Algebra, and we are gifted for taking this class at only 15 years old, but this is supposedly the easier stuff since we have not had calculus. I studied all morning because my brother Itachi had taken this course with Kakashi-Sensei almost six years ago! I can't believe my brother was in 9th grade while I was in 3rd grade...How time sure flies! He is currently a junior at Konoha University studying bioorganic chemistry, Latin, and Egyptian History, since he loves reading in depth essays on history. If he's lucky, he may get a program on The History Channel or National Geographic. That'd be so cool!

Also, I've been thinking a lot of Sakura. Like, a whole lot. So much to the point where I'm hot and bothered. We share fourth period Linear Algebra and sixth period physical education and when I see her get into her gym shorts, i grow a gigantic erection. Everyone calls me Uchiha-Zo, or Uchiha the elephant. They called me a fag, too, because I wear dark blue bikinis. They call my dick a bikini-snake and they fear that huge thing in my drawers will come out and eat their asshole virginities. I can't help it if I got blessed with a big dick! And there is no way I would dare put my beloved bikini-snake near there smelly assholes, especially Naruto's. That sad excuse of a shinobi should move back to Hokkaido with his cousins. Anyways, Uchihas are known to have large parts; men with huge penises an women with gargantuan breasts! When Tsunade saw a photo of my mom, she felt really flat chested! My mom has a pair of 56 Gs, while Sakura one day asked Tsunade and the washed-up, fake-ass blonde that she is randomly confessed she had 42D. There is one thing though. Sakura's breasts are ridiculously small. I wonder if she, like Sophia Petrillo, wakes up and wonder what the purpose of having it on if there's nothing to put it in. Oh well, no use in over analyzing it.

Well, I better go since the bus is coming in about 10 minutes. I still got time to jack off. I hope one day I can pop Sakura's anal cherry...I've always wondered why they call it that? I mean, yeah, it bleeds and its red, but why not a tomato or something? -Uchiha Sasuke

"Hmm, that makes me jealous about the boobs, plus i've also wondered about the cherry thing, too," said Sakura as she looked down at her microscopic titties. Haruno clan were known to have...smaller parts. She closed the book and placed it back in the drawer. She head the faucet creak and that meant that he had finished the bath water. Sakura went back into the kitchen and got another Sapporo beer and got Sasuke an Asahi beer since that was his favorite. She stood by his nightstand and looked down at the ground innocently before Sasuke came. She sighed and heard the footsteps of Sasuke approaching her. He gave her a sad face and said, "What's wrong, babe? I got a bath for us running."

"Oh, nothing is really bothering me," she somewhat lied as she handed him the beer which he gladly accepted. She was still really upset about the fact that she had such small breasts but she really wanted to get in the bathtub with her boyfriend. They walked into the bathroom and she entered the bathtub. Before she got in, Sasuke took note that her asscheeks were covered with dried caked cum and other fluids from when he probably made her anal cherry explode. He had to help her with that and had to be more careful with his load.

She entered first into the Japanese-styled tub and began to moan with pleasure as the Elmo bubble bath went up to her titties. She popped the top of the Saporro beer and began to drink a few swigs and inhaled the scent of the bubble bath. "Mm, I love this Elmo bubble bath of yours, Sasuke, it makes me feel so sexy," commented Sakura as she began to rub her nipples for Sasuke. He began to drool like Chouji at a Burger King in Dallas on a hot August day. Sasuke shortly followed and pointed his asshole to the corner of the tub and sat down, causing the water to ripple a bit. And he found out something really weird. Well, more like, heard. All the sudden, he heard a weird laughter, but neither he nor she was making it and there wasn't anyone else in the room.

"What's that laughter coming from?" asked Sasuke as he looked around. He looked at Sakura's bubble-covered chest and saw that it was bouncing!

"WTF, omg, is dem titties bouncing?!" asked Sasuke in a gangsta tone. "Like, omg you found out, lol. My titties do that when I'm happy!"

"How come they weren't laughing when we had sex?" said Uchiha Sasuke as he blinked and got mascara in his eye! Uchiha Sasuke farted in the meanwhile.

"Because I was moaning so loudly!" she responded. "And when you broke my anal cherry, it made a loud noise, if you don't recall."

"Oh, yeah, it sounded like a porpoise farting," he said as he wiped the makeup outta his eye. Then he opened the Asahi beer and he took a two second drink that forced him to let out a belch. "Aww," he said as he set the half-empty can on the corner of the tub and splashed some water like a lil dork. "Come over here and let me wash your hair!" he took some of his L'Oreal kids shampoo in those bottles that look like a fish. He poured a large amount of the cherry-almond flavor into his hands and rubbed it into her hair. He then sneaked his left hand off her head and lovingly sneaked it into her asshole, she moaned and then slapped his hand and said, "That's enough ass for you, dude. Try another time when I'm not bored."

Sasuke moved his hand away from her butthole and moved his hand southward to his groin and began to play with his penis. He moved the 19 inch wet dick and moved it around like a snake and broke the surface like a plesiosaur and growled in a very alluring way.

"Grr, I'm the Loch Ness monster! grr!" said Sasuke as he smiled at her as he caused his gargantuan dick swim around the water. He grabbed it and started slamming it hard against the water, splashing her face.

"Ahh!" screamed Sakura softly and playfully. "Dont eat me!"

"No need to; I already ate your butthole cherry!" Sasuke then moaned quietly and started urinating on Sakura's face, letting the clearish-yellow fluid escape his pisshole and onto her face. He missed some of her face and the force of the piss knocked over his beer can and dropped to the floor, some of it spilling out.

"EWWWWWWW!"screamed Sakura. "You're peeing on my face and it stinks, dush!"

"Like, shut the front door, nigga and drink it up!" giggled Sasuke as he stopped and started slapping Sakura's face with his dick about 14 times until she begged him to stop. She didn't drink the pee, but she did kiss sasuke's nuts, each of his testicles were the size of a kiwi. She began to juggle his balls with his tiny hands and this was starting to send Sasuke over the edge.

"As weird as it sounds since I'm enjoying this so much, I think we should take a break from sex," suggested Sasuke and she agreed. She let go of his scrotum and began to continue washing herself.

They finished up and got dried off and put back on their clothes. Sasuke went over and picked up the beer can and realized that there was still some left, albeit not much. "No need and letting this shit go to waste," he pointed out and drank the rest of it in one gulp. When he finished it, he let out a burp and threw the can into the toilet and jiggled the handle, causing the can to be swirled into the whirlpool and down the pipe. Surprisingly, it was a miracle that the toilet did not overflow from the can.

"I love beer," he said out loud. "So do I!" shouted Sakura from the other room. Sasuke left the bathroom and hugged Sakura and they both got back into Sasuke's bed to take a brief nap.

"Later, you and I should go get some beer and party 'favors'," he said.

"What kinda party favors do you have in mind, Sasuke-kun?" asked Sakura as she was offered a cigarette which she quickly puffed. She started coughing and handed the paper-covered tobacco cylinder back to her boyfriend. "Sorry, smoking's not for me, dush."

"More for me, pimp," he said as he inhaled the butt of the cigarette and let out some rings of smoke. "The party favors I have in mind? Condoms, of course; I don't wanna be a daddy at 15."

"Oh, good point," mentioned Sakura as she lay back down. "Ironically, and coincidentally, you could say, I started taking birth control. I also have another question. What did you do with your beer can?"

"I flushed that hunk-a-junk in the toilet, Haruno Sakura, like a Japanese badass would do," confessed Sasuke proudly. He placed his hand on her stomach and cuddled next to her again.

'I don't really regret eating that burrito at all,' thought Sakura as she lay against her boyfriend's warm chest. She started twirling his long chest hair. It looked like Austin Powers' hair and she liked picking out the crumbs he left in it when he ate naked at the breakfast table to make Itachi jealous. Sasuke pulled open his night stand drawer and found a navy blue rubber butt plug. He shoved it into Sakura's destroyed anal cherry, causing the girl to moan in pleasure as they both started to fall asleep and dream of each other doing raunchy things. Sakura began to dream that Sasuke was in the kitchen and he bent over and his 22 inch dick was in between his ankles as he went to tie his shoe. He was going to make her a kickass breakfast for being such a good bitch in bed.

Sasuke began to dream that he and Sakura were in the bathtub again and this time he was massaging her beautiful silky, creamy feet with some of the most expensive lotions the Japanese yen could buy. It was so kinky, but, the sleep didn't last long until all the sudden, Sasuke let out a huge fart from his asshole. The loud fart was about three and a half times louder (≈18 dB) than the loudest of Sakura's and it smelled like the ass of thirty skunks trapped in an eyedropper. "Ewww!" screeched Sakura as she woke up. "Omg, Sasuke you just farted and it is the worst thing I've ever smelt!"

"Ewww!" said Sasuke as he reached out his hand and turned on the light of his sexy Pokemon lamp with the Pokeball shaped base and a Pikachu design on the lamp shade. When he flicked the switch, an electronic voice said, "Pikachuu!" and electrocuted his finger.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" shouted Sasuke in reaction to the pain as he farted a ton, each one slapping his buttcheeks harder and harder. "Why does the world hate me!? And these farts stiiiiiiiiinkkk!"

"Pikachu!" shouted the lamp before turning off.

A.N. Hope you don't gag when you go to your local Mexican restaurant! Oh, yeah. I will automatically delete any negative reviews left anonymously, cause it shows that you hide behind a fake name and don't have the balls/tits to reveal yourself. If you don't like this story, I have one thing to say to you: Kiss my asshole! You dush! If you like this story, rock on!


	2. Chapter 2

A.N If you read this before, (which I hope) you will notice that it was on complete, but I didn't want it to end just yet lol. And be honest, how many times did **you** diddle your asshole after reading the first chapter?

"Ahhhhh!" shouted Uchiha Sasuke as the lamp continued to electrocute him. "It hurts when I FARTTTT! MY LITTLE ANUS!" XDD

Haruno Sakura turned on the light and looked at Uchiha Sasuke, who kept on farting really loudly. He groaned really loudly because the loud fart hurt his buttcheeks when it escaped. "Ahhhhh! It hurts like shit when it slaps my buttcheeks! Almost like I gotta let out a turd! Air is rubbing my buns, dush! I hope I don't take a dump in these jeans!"

"Omg, ew, you're still farting! And stop finger-fucking your lamp!" she exclaimed, ignoring the fact that he was in pain from the farts as she looked at her boyfriend who had a case of the major farts. He let about four rip in succession and he blushed in embarrassment at his stinky and musical butt that sounded like a tuba.

"We gotta find that guy who sold the burritos; maybe he put something in there that makes the people fart all the time!" suggested Sakura as she pulled the covers off of her. "We gotta go to Pablo's Burritos and find out what the cure is!"

Juchiharikoma Sasuketana (A.N * **farts** on you haters!*) farted so loudly that he accidentally let out a mess of steamy hot brown diarrhea from his ultra tight butthole that expanded upon letting out the dush. It covered his sheets with a brownish stained and also got his inner thighs dirty.

"Omg, go to the crapper and wash up! You stink!" ordered Haruno Sakura and Uchiha Sasuke couldn't help but giggle as he got off the bed and heated to the bathroom where he pulled down his nasty white shorts and his blue bikini and positioned his **asshole** on the toilet as his two pale bu **tt** cheeks mooned the clear surface of water in the toilet! With very little effort he let a huge angry fart escape his precious anus which caused a tsunami in the toilet bowl as well as a 28 inch turd fell outta his asshole and landed in the toilet with a loud plop! It was such a huge splash that it got his asshole wet. He moaned in pain as his asshole began to hurt ultra badly and the fact that shitty water splashed his asshole only made the situation worse!

"Uchiha Sasuke, will you hurry up?" demanded Haruno Sakura as she put on her high heels on. "If we don't hurry, Pablo may leave to some random country since he doesn't have a resident's permit!"

"I know that, hoe, and I just shitted and a turd fell outta my ass and splashed it!" he announced as he continued to stare into nothingness.

"Eww," said Haruno Sakura as she went to get another beer. It was going to be her third one, so she decided to get some food with it to absorb some of the alcohol. She got one of Uchiha Sasuke's Lunchables and began to eat and drink at the same time. She only took about three sips, only about two fluid ounces worth, and threw the can into the garbage since she didn't want to get hammered now.

Sitting on the toliet, Uchiha Sasuke let out a huge fart. It was so loud, that he could feel his little buttcheeks vibrate against the cold toilet seat. He let out another fart which created a whirlpool inside the bowl, which started getting his asshole wet with nasty water.

"Oh shit, I gotta go take a dush!" he announced. He moved across the bathroom and sat down on the second toilet he had in the bathroom and grabbed a magazine behind him. It was called, "Pink-Haired Whores and Sluts".

Uchiha Sasuke looked down at his fifteen inch dick and started playing with it as he looked at a girl with some 44 F breasts and a 32 inch hips and a 26 inch waist . He got hard, and grew seven inches. He masturbated using blue and pink floral-printed chopsticks that were randomly lying on the toilet lid behind. He grabbed his dick again and started slapping the opened magazine with it until it ripped a page.

"Uhhhhhm," he moaned under his breath and Sakura heard him; she had her ear pressed against the door.

"Uchiha Sasuke! Stop jacking off, we gotta go!" demanded Haruno Sakura as she tapped her foot impatiently.

"Hang the crap on, I'm crappingqqqqqqqqq!" said Sasuke as he grabbed a can of Lysol and sprayed all 12 oz's of it. He then saw the ripped page of his porno magazine and put it in his pocket. "Hehehehe," said he has he opened the door. When he came out, the spray came out like from a fog machine.

Sasuke opened the door and heard Sakura choke on the spray.

"EWWWWWWWWWWW! stop shitting!"

"What the shit are you bitching for?" asked Sasuke kinda mad. "I can't if i can't help it, dammit! Why are you bitching, bitch? You're still farting too!"

Sakura let out a huge that was about 92 decibels, the average loudness of a lawn mower. Sasuke went to his closet and got another pair of white shorts and put on a red bikini on his ultra pale asscheeks. Sakura blushed and wanted to diddle that little shit hole so badly that it was making her wet again.

"Screw that noise!" shouted Uchiha Sasuke as he put on his ugly boots and grabbed an umbrella. The tv had issued a flood warning until Friday, and it was only Monday. He grabbed a sexy pink rain coak and his My Little Pony umbrella cause he's such a brony, and not even he denied that. Sakura weirdly found it kinky, but then again, she was so hot and bothered that she found most things kinky. Except Chouji and Suigetsu, whom she considered to be the ugliest guys she's met eyes on in Japan. Not that anyone blames her given how much of an eyesore they are. And earsore. And butthole sore for their boyfriends since they enjoyed getting doodoo on their dicks.

"Is it really a good idea to go find Pablo's Burrito Shack in this flood?" asked Sakura. She was, of course, slightly skeptical of his judgement, but didn't bother to question it since she knew he was more of a leader figure than she could ever be.

"Yes, it is!" screeched Sasuke as he put his lips next to Sakura's, and they held a passionate french kiss for a few microseconds until Sasuke let out a huge fart and caused him to knock her over as well as himself.

"Ok, I definitely believe you, Sasuke-kun." She tried to get up, but she fell down back onto her huge ass and let out a phhbbt as she let out a kinky giggle.

"Oh, no!" she shrieked. "I thought you cured my farts when you came in my butthole! You even said that Uchiha-clan cum can cure all sort of internal ailments. Why the frick did you lie to me?! YOU DUSH!"

"I thought so, too!" giggled Sasuke because he liked hearing the way Haruno Sakura's butthole went foopledoople mcpoople. "I got the magical cum, baby. You like super powers, baby?"

"Like, omg, you be having super powers, Sasuke-kun?" said Haruno Sakura excitedly as she went to rub his shoulders with her well-polished fingernails that were light pink. He felt his dick get hard, but he would have to pound her shitty hole later seeing that they had better things to day. It was important that they find this so called Pablo character who sells burritos that make people fart a lot! That's what Akimichi Chouji was trying to tell her all along, but Haruno Sakura couldn't ponder about how rude she was to the fatty, even though he clearly deserved it.

"Come on, baby cakes, get your raincoat. Sasuke, for some weird reason, kept one of Sakura's light pink raincoats for foreplay one day, although this would have to wait. Sasuke had some of the weirdest fetishes, but he decided that it would be best to keep them hidden from his girlfriend for the time being. He handed it to her and she put it on and she handed an umbrella to her kinky ass.

She farted and gradually walked out the door in the heavy downfall that was expected to leave at least three feet of water. Clumsily, she didn't get her step right and she fell off the porch of Sasuke's porch and landed in a mud puddle nearby. Fortunately, her rain coat covered his ass to prevent her from looking like she took a duce, but she let out a fart, making some watery bubbles to appear from the puddle.

Sasuke helped her up and got in his car, a 1970 Toyota Corolla. The Toyota was a faded brownish colour which may have been originally red, but turned this shade due to age. There were many scratches and dents on the hood, and the windows were slightly cracked. The front passenger headlight was busted, and part of the windshield wiper had been turn off. The interior was a more shocking surprise.

The seats, which were made of cloth, had turned black from obviously not being washed, and in the front, a spring was loose, visible to everyone. The dashboard had caked on dirt and stains from various foods, and the floor was covered with old McDonald bags and Bojangles chicken wings. Haruno Sakura almost gagged, overwhelmed by the un-godly stench that made Sasuke's asshole smell like flowers in comparison to the car.

"THIS is your car?" screamed Haruno Sakura. "This fucking piece of shit has seen more abuse than Chouji's toilet! Not that I know what that would look like." Who would? It would be enough to give Jiraiya's perverted self nightmares.

"Yes, Haruno Sakura, this is Hortince, my prized car," claimed Uchiha Sasuke, rubbing the hood of the car, chipping off some of the paint. He had a blank expression on his face when he saw that and scratched his nuts in reaction. "It was passed down from my father who got it from his father. And speaking of Chouji, do you wanna hear something really funny about what happened to him once?"

"Meh, sure, why not?" said Haruno Sakura, listening as Uchiha Sasuke began to set out the scene for his story of Akimichi Chouji.

"Well, before we start, let me tell you how stupid Akimichi Chouji is," began Uchiha Sasuke. "He's so stupid that he fed his pet chicken scrambled eggs. He's so stupid that he took his pet snail to the Konoha Salt Factory. He's so fat that his footprints are thought to be meteorite impacts. He's so ugly that Chiyo thought he had a dick."

"Chouji's nuts are so small that even a Barbie doll can swallow them," added Haruno Sakura who slapped her anorexic knee as she laughed.

"Yeah, so anyways," began Uchiha Sasuke, "This pretty much happened entirely against my will, since i was trying to be nice to Uzumaki Naruto and get him a Pokemon game, but he and I were hanging out in the mall, when suddenly we were at Victoria's Secret and shit started to go down, it got REALLY weird."

"Um, may I ask why you were there with Naruto?" asked Haruno Sakura. "I mean, I would understand why he was there, but not you, Sasuke-kun. You are 100% man!"

"Just listen, you small tittyho!" snapped Uchiha Renea Sasuke. "Sorry, I didn't mean to use that tone, but picture this. Konoha Mall, about six months ago..."

 _Begin Flashback:_

 _"Lady," began Uchiha Sasuke to some rude woman in store by the name Alice the Great from Little Bill, "I've been around this flatulating dush for many years. You'll get used to it in time." He continued to finger his asshole and announced, "I seriously need to take a shit."_

 _"As do I," Naruto said in a queer tone. "Don't worry, Alice the Great," he added, "I'll find your peanut head grandson." "Oh, thank you, baby," she said and gave Naruto a gangster handshake._

 _"I'll just stay in here untill you come back." Naruto looked at his Barney watch and said, "The store closes in thirty-six minutes."_

 _"Well," she said, "I guess I'll have to give you my adress and you can return my lil peanut niglet when you find him."_

 _She took at a piece of paper from her saggy cleavage and wrote the adress down. Naruto took it and farted really loud, as secret way of saying, "Good-bye old nigger!"_

 _He left the store and followed Sasuke, who was standing outside of the restroom._

 _"Dush," Sasuke said frankly, "why are you gonna help that wrinkly old nigga grandma? This would be the first time you did anything good for anyone other than yourself after you helped Sai win that fight against Ton-Ton!"_

 _"Sasuke. Be cool. Like an Icee machine at Kroger that is almost never working since they don't give a damn."_

 _"Are you talking about the one that's on Trinity?" asked Sasuke as he blinked his eyes forty-six times within eight seconds. So much that his mascara starting flying and hit Naruto in the face._

 _Naruto entered the first stall in the restroom and Sasuke to the one at the very end against the wall._

 _Naruto farted very loudly, causing the people in the stalls next to him to cough, followed by angry complaints. They all left, leaving just Naruto and Sasuke alone. Sasuke farted quietly, and looked at his dick. It made him think of a salty cucumber salad and anal cheetos._

 _He then looked at his flaccid 17 inch penis and started to play with it. He took the roll of toilet paper off the ring and put it around his dick where it fell to the bottom and hit his nuts. It looked really silly, but he found it so kinky. His penis grew to 25 inches, and he wondered what it would feel like if Naruto's smelly ass was around it. He got disgusted and he stopped playing and decided to do something else. He positioned his warm dick to his mouth and started to suck on it and pretended it was Sakura's warm pussy lips swallowing it, but he stopped after about three seconds since it was so gross. He spit a huge load unto the ground and farted really loudly, letting air escape his hot buns that covered his tight hole. He strained and a 11 inch turd fell outta his ass with a loud splosh! It was such a loud splash that he got his asshole wet. He took off the roll of toilet paper and farted as he thought of Shikamaru's pineapple hair._

 _Naruto laughed at the splash and farted too, releasing a two inch turd. Soon, they finished shitting and were about to leave the stalls, when all of the sudden, they heard a loud booming noise approach the bathroom._

 _Naruto looked out the crack in the stall and saw that it was Chouji._

 _He went past Naruto's stall and walked right next to Sasuke's._

 _"OH SHIT." Naruto covered his mouth with his hands, realizing what was about to happen._

 _He sat his 469 lb ass on the toilet so quickly that naruto could feel it shake 11 stalls away._

 _Sasuke looked down the stall and saw chouji's fat swollen kankles and shuddered under his breath. Chouji pulled down his custom made Hollister jeans and his bikini and started to fart EXTREMELY loudly._

 _"Oh, my freaking goodness and all the stars in the galaxy. Oh, my goodness and all the stars in the galaxy," muttered Sasuke, rehearsing his prayers from his astronomy club. Now that he mentally raped for life, trying to picture that fat-ass fuck on the toilet next to him. He just had to be next to the chicken-ass haired emo. Was it karma for being a dick to Naruto?_

 _"Why does he have to be next to mine? There are 22 other stalls!" Sasuke whispered to himself, looking up at the ceiling, silently pleading to the poor maintenance of the ceiling that it would fall down on Choji's stall and crush the fat excuse for a ninja._

 _Naruto's asshole got dry from the horrible image and sat there, indian style, on the toilet. Sasuke thought the ordeal was over, but it got worse. MUCH worse._

 _"Shit, I shouldn't have eaten all those fucking Big Macs and brussel sprouts!" screamed Chouji, sweat rolling down his five chins as they splashed against the floor and left a big stain._

 _All of the sudden, a wet sloppy noise escaped Chouji's tight ass; he had diarrhea, and it was going everywhere. He started straining real loudly, piercing Sasuke's sexy ears. He was wearing some kinky earrings he got from the bargain bin from Dillards. Chouji let out another fart, scaring away the little kids who just entered the bathroom. Their shrill screams could be heard across the store as they ran out the door, getting killed by a car in the parking-lot. Sasuke was NOT going to attend their funeral. He'd rather slip and fall in shit that came from Temari''s bleached asshole._

 _Chouji pulled out a cheeseburger from McDonald's and started to eat it on the toilet. He also had some chicken nuggets as well and a huge milkshake._

 _"That fat-ass," smirked Sasuke, suddenly craving a some chicken pot pie and a huge bottle of Sunny Delight as well as a key-lime pie with a ton of whipped cream. XDDDDD_

 _"This is unbearable," said Naruto as he reached into his pocket and grabbed a Pokeball. "Go, Gloom!"_

 _"Gloom!" shouted the walking flower who appeared outta her ball and was in the stall with Naruto. It was a very awkward moment since both of them were almost pressed up against each other in the cubicle. The Gloom began to wave her arms around frantically at the stench that was coming from Naruto's ass, and that was something since Gloom is the stinkiest Pokemon!_

 _"Gloom, go out of the stall use your sleep powder, and I got another technique to use at the same time to knock out that fat bastard!"_

 _"Gloom!" she said in response happily and unlocked and opened the door to the cubicle and shut it behind her. Naruto locked it again and fished for something in his suit._

 _Naruto pulled out his retracting blow gun that he took out of his pocket, got on the floor and shot a tranquilizing dart at Chouji's kankle. The dark flew about 60 feet and struck Chouji on the fat kankle and he groaned at the impact. Chouji became really relaxed and chill; He felt as if he just smoked a big fat-ass blunt and had a huge Thanksgiving dinner. However, he was still conscious and kept on farting. "Gloom, sleep powder, now!" issued Naruto to the walking flower. She let out a bluish-green powder from her head (I think?) and it went over to Chouji. He eventually stopped farting and shitting, giving them a chance to escape as he had fallen asleep in the stall._

 _They both wiped their asses with one square of Charmin toilet paper and flushed it down the toilet, causing them to overflow with brown shitty water. They then left their stalls and didn't even bother to wash their hands, especially Sasuke, who had been fingering his asshole and jacking off._

 _Once they were out in the mall, they sat on a bench and Sasuke went over to a vending machine and got a pair of used underwear to put on his messy ass._

 _End Flashback_

"Uh, ok...I''m really glad I wasn't there when that happened," said Sakura as she folded her arms into her chest and looked down at the pathetic car.

Sakura looked at the passeger seat and saw that it was full of empty KFC's boxes. Around 15 of them. Being somewhat neat, she decided that she was not gonna sit up front, even though she would have to be behind Sasuke. "It stinks, dush!" she annoucned.

"At least I have a car," said Sasuke as he pouted with a huge 8 second fart. "Goodness gracious and all the stars in the galaxy! That shit hurts when it slaps my buttcheeks!"

They both stopped arguing and got into the car. Sakura sat in the back, wincing in pain from the spring he sat on and it poked her in the asshole. Sasuke turned on the car and put it in reverse, leaving his house and shutting the garage with the switch that he had installed in the roof of the inside of the car.

Sakura looked at Sasuke, who was sitting in front of him and saw that the seat had a huge chunk of it missing. It was like a desk at school, and about a square foot was missing in the area where the seat and back of the chair met. It was actually pretty even like a small window and got a pretty good view of the chicken ass hair emo's bottom. She saw that Sasuke had entered the car with his pants sagging, though he didn't do that on purpose.

She saw the Fruit of the Loom label on his boxer briefs ad started to giggle. She got a good glance at his uderwear where his buttcrack was. She once again chuckled to herself and temptation got to her. She stuck a finger to his buttcrack was and pushed her finger into his clothed ass, the fabric pushing its way into his shitty entrance. Surprisingly, he actually enjoyed it that his clothes were being forced into his asshole and whined and wanted those fingers to reenter his tight shit channel inside that were prodding his asshole.

"Haruno Sakura?!" he shouted. "What you be doing, turd! Please don't stop believing in Oprah! I love the way that feels when you press the turd back into my butthole! You remember that special on the Phil Donahue, right?"

"I...have something really funny for us to recall on!" she responded, neglecting his question, though it was a relatively awkward thing to say since she was diddling his asshole.

"What do you have to say, Sakura-chan?" asked Sasuke as he farted again; luckily, Sakura had withdrawn her finger just in time, but she coud still feel the force of the fart in her direction!

"Ewww!" she said in disgust. "Since you were talking about Akimichi Chouji's fatass earlier, I recall something extraordinarily funny that happened a few months ago last semester in 8th grade. Remember that time Chouji passed out in class? I will never forget how funny it was, but i was scared too when his dad came..."

Enter other flashback...

 _Four months earlier..._

 _It was one of those stifling hot days in Konoha, and everyone was ignoring Kakashi's silly face as he was trying to do math work on the board. Until something random broke the boredom._

 _"What the fuck?" said Hatake Kakashi sensei as he looked at the black thong with shit stains on it as well as a few eight inch pubic hairs in it._

 _As HatakeKakashi sensei was purely focused on the tiny underwear garment for men, Kiba then pulled out a condom and pissed in it, masturbated so hard until he came in it and then tied it up like a little water balloon and threw it at that ugly mother fucker Hatake Gerald Kakashi. The condom burst in his face, covering him with piss and cum._

 _"Who the fuck did that?" he demanded furiously, stopping his high heels on the floor. Everyone liked Kiba; no way would they squeal on him, so they pointed at Akimichi Chouji who was eating a 3 foot meatball sandwich from Subway and a 2 pound bag of Lay's salt and vinegar chips. He grabbed a handful of greasy chips and washed it down with his 4 liter bottle of Pepsi his dad gave him for breakfast. He then released a huge belch, making the ceiling fan shake. The class began to gag on the scent that then followed. It smelt like a fart! : D_

 _Kakashi walked up to Chouji and tapped the fat-fuck's shoulder, and said, "Is this yours?" after showing him the thong._

 _"Hell no!" shouted Chouji back with his mouth full. "Do you think my fat-ass can fit in that?"_

 _"Well, it's quite obvious that it can't fit on your fatass, so I guess it's your boyfriend's, huh?" smirked Kakashi. "Why the hell did you piss and cum into this condom and throw it at me, you fat titty?"_

 _"I'm not gay!" shouted Chouji, flapping his arms around like a penguin doing a mating dance at the zoo in Yugoslavia. "And do you think I can reach my dick, you retard?"_

 _"Good point. Chouji, if there is one thing a ninja cannot be, it is a liar," said Kakashi, "and you, sir, are one hell of a bad liar. For your punishment, you must run around the school five times right now."_

 _"But... but..." began Chouji, sad that he would have to be separated from his beloved meatball sandwich._

 _"Anyway!" Kakashi interuppted. "Let's do some easy-ass math problems, and if you little fuckers can't do these, then you're more mentally retarded than I thought you were! Alright, what is 5 x 2?"_

 _The class was silent, indicating that everyone was stumped._

 _"Come on, children. Don't be shy - just give it your best shot!" Kakashi urged._

 _A hand shot up from the back of the class. Everyone turned around to see who it was, and it was no one other than Ino Yamanaka. She was the dumbest girl you'd probably ever meet in Konoha. Ino sometimes forgot where she lived, and even her own name! She was oblivious to people always making fun of her stupidity, which made Naruto sympathetic with the blonde girl. She had platinum blonde hair and was Sakura's best friend. They occasionally argued and bickered about which one of them would end up with Sasuke, but other than that, they were inseperable._

 _"Yes, Ino?" Kakashi said._

 _"Um, twelve?" she said skeptically, scratching the back of her head._

 _Kakashi only sighed, shaking his head. "Alright, now let's get an answer from someone whose not a complete retard."_

 _The class was silent for a few moments, before a arm shot up from the front of the class. Naruto gasped, realizing it was Sasuke!_

 _"I think I know the answer, Mr. Kakashi!" Sasuke said, his voice suddenly shrill and queer-sounding._

 _A voice from the back of the class mimicked the Uchiha's shrill voice. Sasuke snapped his head to look in the direction of where it came from. He then met the face of Chouji, a cocky smirk on his face as he stuffed his mouth with Doritos. Sasuke raised a brow, watching as Chouji giggled at the emo boy's reaction._

 _"Shut up, fat boy!" Sasuke snarled, giving Chouji the middle finger. "The answer is 10!"_

 _"That is correct, Uchiha Sasuke!" responded Kakashi as he clapped his hands like back in 1987 when he oopsied in his crapper!_

 _"Aye! Don't call me fat, you fucking Jew!" Chouji spat, pieces of chips flying out of his mouth._

 _"Akimichi Chouji! Did you just say the F word?" Hatake Kakashi gasped as he adjusted his earrings._

 _Chouji scratched his head, confused. "...Jew?"_

 _"No. He's talking about fuck. You can't say fuck in school, you fucking fat-ass!" Uchiha Sasuke said, leaning back in his chair while scratching his kiwi-sized nuts_

 _"Uchiha Sasuke!" Kakashi bellowed._

 _"Why the fuck not?" Akimichi Chouji demanded, standing up from his desk, causing the classroom to slightly shake at the impact._

 _"Akimichi Reynold Chouji!"_

 _"Dude, you just said fuck again!" Inuzuka Kiba scoffed and rolled his eyes._

 _"Inuzuka Timothy Kiba!" shouted Hatake Kakashi again._

 _"Fuck." Hyuga Hinata giggled from the back of the class._

 _"Hyuga Hinata!"_

 _"What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. Fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck!" Chouji said, saying the word repeatedly intentionally to get under Kakashi's skin._

 _"How would you like to go to the school couselor?" Hatake Kakashi challenged, putting his hands on his hips in a typical gay fashion._

 _Akimichi Chouji stood up from his desk and began walking towards the sliding door, each step he took produced a 4.2 magnitude earthquake in a 20 foot diameter, so the whole class began to shake; it literally felt like the Tyrannosaurus Rex from Jurassic Park was walking through the classroom. Also, every time he moved, his stomach swooshed around and made sounds like water sloshing in a bottle of water and his titties made squishy noises like Jello jiggling. After reaching the shoji, he opened it half way and because he was so out of breath for being so heavy, he collapsed right there, falling unconscious right there in front of everyone._

 _Everyone watched and blinked a few times, not saying anything. Hatake Kakashi looked at the shinobi on the ground and sadistically smiled at him._

 _"Everyone," he said fiendishly, "point and laugh derisively at that obese motherfucker!"_

 _Everyone began to laugh loudly and rancorously at the obese ninja's 469 lb fatass, tossing paper balls and notebooks at his nuts. He grunted in pain and started crying at the abuse. He just wished he had a gun right then and right now and shoot everyone in the room. Ino went over to Chouji and kicked him hard in the stomach and reached down into his back pocket and stole his Spiderman wallet and the keys to his orange Volvo._

 _"You fat fuck!" she said with spite, giving him the middle finger, "you are a disgrace to everyone! Hey, look everyone!" she added. "Chouji's a member of the "Powerpuff Girls Fan Club!" Everyone then began to laugh even harder, some of them were falling out of their chairs from laughing so hard and started having a sexy seizure like Kiba when he rubbed his dick next to Akamaru's butthole in 2004._

 _Tenten was recording the whole thing on her brand new lime green iPhone 5 that Hyuga Neji stole for her; it was full of apps such as Bitches R Us and "The Titty Street Journal", "Willard Quntishimlosvoramp's Porn Palace", the work; she just wanted to rub her tutu to porn like practically everyone else her age._

 _Suddenly, all the kids in the classroom stopped laughing when they felt the ground shake. A loud booming noise was heard in the distance, getting closer and closer. Hatake Kakashi simply raised a brow and gasped. "Is that an Earthquake?" Kakashi asked to no one, which describes whom he has in the world._

 _"OH MY GOOGLE!" screamed Yamanaka Ino. Being the dumb blonde bimbo that she was, she screamed and hid under her desk and started praying in Japanese, but while she did so, she pulled out her crème colored iPhone 4 s and tweeted and put on Facebook "Earthquake! Run for your lives!" and she got 8 likes within 19 seconds. Someone commented on her status, "What the shit are you talking about? You dumbass, there ain't no earthquake, it's probably just Akimichi Chouji sitting down you feel. I LOVE MINNEAPOLIS, HOE-ASS NOGGAS!" Responded BrayQ from Bangor, Maine._

 _Suddenly the door was roughly slammed open, causing the door to break off its hendges and cracking part of the wall off. Everyone gasped in shock as they saw the figure walk in; it was Chouji's dad, Arnold Akimichi! Even though his actual name is Choza, the reason that he went by Arnold, or, more accurately, changed his name legally, is because like Arnold Schwarzenegger, they were both muscular and attractive back in the day, but now they are old and flabby and when they wear a Speedo, people go temporarily blind; the more sensitive ones commit suicide. Even Naruto did not even want to picture that, even though he pictured a lot of dudes in Speedos because he was so gay. He even once asked Sai to paint a picture of Sasuke in a Speedo to put on his wall and worship it, but Sai said that he didn't have any blue paints to paint the Speedo blue, which infuriated Naruto. Rather random, since he could've asked for black, which Sai had about 8 buckets of it._

 _Arnold was practically twice the size of Chouji, which was saying a lot, since he weighed 883 lbs and was about 7'1 tall. Each time he moved his fat feet, he produced a 5.6 earthquake in a 47 foot diameter, much like a brontosaurus loose on a stampede, kinda like the one Gertrude Lemmons had in her backyard. On his arms, he had a tattoo of a bucket of a KFC 8 piece chicken meal with a corn on the cob and mashed potatoes on his left arm and a tattoo of a triple pounder cheeseburger with tomatoes, onions, bacon, and lettuce on it. He also was eating a bag of chips as he eyed the classroom with pure hatred._

 _"What the hell is this?" asked Rock Lee, "Meet the Fatasses?" earning a few laughs from the children, especially Gai, his gay lover who had equally greasy hair as he did. They both made-out right there in front of Arnold._

 _"Why are you little motherfuckers bullying my son?" Arnold boomed. "And you over there with the greasy black hair!" He pointed a finger at Rock Lee and Arnold walked over directly in front of his desk. "So you think you're smart, you're sexy, huh? Who the fuck would ever want to go out with a guy whose hair is greasier than a McDonald's stove in Minneapolis!?"_

 _Rock Lee just gulped and started trembling in fear, being towered over by the humungous guy. "I... uh, n-n-no…" he stuttered, paralyzed with fright._

 _"Oh yeah, well, here's what I think!" screamed Arnold, who picked Rock Lee by the neck and threw him onto the ground. He then squatted over him and released a hurricane force fart on Lee, causing him to vomit for a total of eight seconds continuously; soon the whole class was joining him, vomiting on the recently polished floor._

 _"As for the rest of you," yelled Chouji's dad again, "Don't you know that it is causing him pain? You may look at him and think he is a funny, happy boy, but in reality, he is dying on the inside! Literally! His body mass index is 123%, five times more what it should be! He writes suicide letters at home and at times I have to stop him from killing himself by putting too hot sauce on his food! What do you say to that, you cunts?" He then looked over and saw that Ino had Chouji's Spiderman wallet in her hands. He slowly walked over there, causing producing fissures in the floor, and said, "Ino, what the fuck are you doing with my son's wallet? You blonde bitch!"_

 _"How the hell do you know it's not my wallet?" she fired back. "I happen to like Spiderman as well, so that doesn't give you a right to accuse me of stealing anything!"_

 _"Hand me the wallet now," said Chouji's dad, holding out his hand which was larger than a Chinet plate. She dropped it in his hands and he opened it and gasped! "Where the fuck is the money? He had $94 in it and I know he didn't spend that much on that meatball sandwich! I mean, I know that inflation is noticeable, but shit ain't gone that extreme!" Seeing that there was no point in letting the sandwich go to waste, he picked it up and ate it all at once._

 _"Hand me the money, skank," said Arnold, getting very infuriated. Ino pulled out her Barbie wallet and gave him four $20 bills, a $10 bill, and four one dollar bills. He took the money and shoved it in his pocket and looked directly at Ino in the eye; he was about 2 inches from her, looking at her evilly. He then grabbed her by the pony-tail and then threw her against the chalkboard, causing it to break off the wall._

 _All of the students were silent except Ino, who was groaning like she was about to give birth to Chouji Jr. All of a sudden, Naruto started grunting hard then he let out a shrill fart, breaking the silence. He could fart again! He was so excited, he wanted to do the Macarena in front of Sasuke and shake his ass in front of him and make him fall in love with him. Chouji's dad narrowed his eyes at the blonde._

 _"What the hell are you fartin', for? Ever heard of Gas-X?" Arnold boomed._

 _Whenever Arnold farted, he caused tsunamis that struck Antarctica and knocked penguins over on their fatasses, making them fall off the iceberg; some of them landed in the freezing water and were eaten by killer whales for lunch._

 _"As a matter of fact, I have." Naruto stated calmly, feeling a small fart come out his ass. "I have 20 in my purse."_

 _Chouji's dad stood up on the desk, breaking it and landing on his fatass, causing a 6.7 earthquake that hit the building. The desk shattered into a bazillion pieces of wood. Kakashi screamed like Freddy Kruger with a chainsaw up his ass that Whitney Houston was holding while singing, "I Wanna Dance With Somebody."_

 _"I bought that desk for 23 dollars at a Thrift Store outside of Dayton, Maine back in 1998 when I was searching for my soul mate, you fat-fuck!"_

 _"Do you fucking think I fucking give a fuck, bitch?" shouted Arnold. "You are the main reason of my son's miserable life! You make him feel like an absolute wad of nothing! That's exactly how you'll feel once I'm done with you."_

 _"Now, Choza, let's sort something out—" stuttered Kakashi, scared for his asshole._

 _"Bitch, my name ain't Choza - it's Arnold!" he shouted angrily as his voice shook the ceiling._

 _Chouji's dad threw the bag of Doritos at Kakashi before tackling him, making Kakashi lose his balance and tripping on his 5 inch high heels._

 _The special garbage bag size of Doritos that Choji's dad had was something he bought from a black market in Qatar. He pinned down Kakashi under his gargantuan ass and began to wrap his banana sized fingers around Kakashi's throat, starting to choke him and slamming his head against the ground without mercy._

 _All the sudden, Naruto and so did Sakura went up to Arnold who let go of Kakashi and said, "Even though we seriously hate that mother fucker Kakashi, leave him alone! If he is gonna be killed, then it is gonna be we who kill him, not some supersized fat-ass like you."_

 _"So you wanna fight, huh?" said Arnold, clutching his fists together. He then reached into his pocket and pulled out his Pokéball and said, "Go Onix!" all the sudden, the huge rock Pokémon came out of the red ball and roared, destroying the roof of the school._

 _Sakura and Naruto both gulped; was fighting this dude really worth it? After all, he could pinch them and they would probably have to go to the hospital. Sasuke ran up to the both of them and whispered something in their ears. Then Naruto pulled out his magic wand from his purse and screamed "Ashketchumforcesyoutodissapear!" and a bluish pink laser came out of the tip of the penis-shaped wand, causing Chouji's Dad and the huge rock snake to teleport to who knows where; for all they hoped, they could've landed on top of Hinata and smashed her ugly-ass to death. Not that anybody would care that she died, since she was a genuine nobody who didn't have a single friend in Konoha; she went onto places like IMVU and talked to random people from Norway or Belgium._

 _End flashback._

"Baby, we've gone through a lot of stuff." Uchiha Sasuke sighed. "I love you, come here for a kiss, ho." The two of them brought their lips together and Sasuke begged entrance into her mouth with his pink tongue. She was about to when she cut him off with a shriek.

"Uchiha Renea Sasuke! Watch the fuck out!"

A car started honking and headlights engulfed the car...

Cliff hanger! Btw, these flashbacks are excerpts from Let the Right One In, from my bestie, The short bus. If you don't like her ideas or mine, you can kiss our assholes! You dush!


	3. Chapter 3

"WATCH OUT, UCHIHA SASUKE!" screamed Haruno Sakura as she watched as the huge lights were heading forward. She was so scared that she accidentally farted and screamed. "WHY AM I FARTING!"

"I DON'T KNOW, BITCH!" screamed Sasuke as nervously was driving through the pouring down rain that was coming down faster than Chingy's report card in 8th grade.

"HELP ME! I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN TO MINNEAPOLIS!" screamed Sakura as she looked at the window and her breath was appearing because it was so cold.

"Why are we screaming?" whispered Sasuke as he was extremely scared of what was going to happen next. "Shit, I can't get into the next lane because the truck is so friggin big!"

"What am I supposed to do, you clown?!" shouted Sakura as she was so scared. She didn't want to die, but Sasuke knew a way that would potentially save them both.

All the sudden, there was a beep on Sakura's smart phone. A message appeared from Ino and it said,

"When you actually google his real name his previous arrests pop up."

"Jump, Haruno Sakura!" demanded Uchiha Gerald Sasuke as he opened the door and jumped out. Sakura did the same thing and the cars exploded. They turned and looked at one another.

"What does your text say?" asked Sasuke.

"We're talking about Pablo, and apparently his arrest records are online!"


	4. Chapter 4

Uchiha Sasuke stood up and spanked his flat and definitely not juicy ass as he just tried to process the information through this shiny-from-grease ears.

"So apparently, Pablo has an arrest record. Sakura, you're being as racist as that guy your friend Lolo's friend. Remember? He said, 'I'm glad slavery happened. Who else would've picked the cotton?' And it was off-putting to Lolo and she disconnected her Nintendo 3ds from her asscrack since it had enough molecules from the stench to create an electric charge, but no one was stupid enough to tell her to wipe her fucking ass?"

'Yeah," said Sakura. "All that was unnecessary, but it says that Pablo did some really freaky shit. For example, he tried to create enhanced ammo in Resident Evil 3 and use it on the sawed-off shotgun. How fucking dumb is his tortilla-lookin' ass?"

"We need to report this to the police," said Sasuke. "We better bring Naruto's stupid ass so he can help us. You know that if we don't take him with us, he'll tell Kakashi's dumb bitch ass and make us do more linear algebra homework."

"I hate that grey-haired nigga," said Sakura. "But let's go."

They had to walk through a ton of rain and it made Sakura laugh a lot as the rain hit her pussy hairs that now looked like pink noodles.

"Okay, Naruto," said Sasuke as he knocked on the door. "We need to go to the police, but somebody tried to run us over. Now we need to borrow your three bicycles, which I don't know why you have in the first place."

"I mean, he has two toilets in the same bathroom, so..." said Sakura.

"Yeah, that's true," said Naruto. "Yeah, let's go. I need to change my huggies first." He farted and you could see a tiny shit stain on his orange jump suit. The two of them just rolled their eyes, but nonetheless, Naruto got the bikes out of the garage and they began to pedal.

Sakura was pedaling as if someone just lit a firecracker in her ass.

"Hurry up, Uchiha Sasuke!" she said as was about 30 feet ahead of him who had a wobbly wheel. It took them about 20 minutes to get there.


	5. Chapter 5

It took the three wannabe ninjas to arrive at the police station and they all smelled like mildew in between Tsunade's cleavage. Sakura's expensive boots were wet and she complained about them; they smelt now like Omarion's ramen that he tried to make last year with his dog Cheryl.

"What the fuck can I do for you guys?" said the guy behind the counter as he looked at the hot mess that was Naruto, Sasuke, and of course, Sakura. Of course they were always a mess, especially Naruto, because he had hair that looked like spiked cheese and had a breath that smelt like he just French kissed a door knob.

"Yeah, we are here to report a very dangerous and suspicious person," said Sakura as she looked at the cop who was looking down at her as if he was 10 feet tall. "His name is Pablo, and he sells burritos that give you the worst gas."

The cop looked at her as if she just smoked a blunt that two feet long and was the diameter of a doughnut. He couldn't believe that he heard this pink-haired bitch utter words of such stupidity while being clean. Except, Sakura wasn't clean. Her asshole had leftover jizz cells that died from the stench of her pucker.

"You're kidding..." he said with sheer disbelief. "Why are you bothering to bring this information to me?"

"Dude, she's a chick!" said Sasuke angrily. "Cops believe chicks over dudes even if the chick is the party at fault. Admit it!"

"Yeah, it's true; we are misandrists," said the cop. "But, the claim that your...bitch said makes no sense."

"Oh, no," said Sakura furiously. "I KNOW you did not call me a bitch!"

"I mean, look at him; he looks like a pimp!" said the cop towards Sasuke.

"Hell yeah I'm a pimp," he said proudly.

"We're leaving. We'll figure this out ourselves," said Sakura as she let out a fart of 120 decibels. It was so loud that many cops were afraid that a gun had gone off somewhere. Except...this was Japan, and guns were extremely uncommon there.

They arrived back at Sasuke's place and they were drinking Cocoa Puffs in a mug.

"That was pointless..." muttered Naruto. "What are you two gonna do now?"

"What do you mean we two? Nigga, you're already involved!" protested Sasuke as he ate a chocolate sphere.

"We can always ask Tsunade for help..." muttered Sakura. "But I hate that fucking old bitch. She smells like someone poured vodka in her asshole and siggerettes."

"So what's the problem?" asked Sasuke.

"Fine," said Naruto. "We'll go see what she wants. She's probably sitting on a picture of Dan at the moment."


End file.
